Page 75 of Smash

He gritted his teeth. “Say it, Talia.”

“I can’t stop thinking about it. About you.” I exhaled. “I watch you online all the time. I saw your last video today. The broken hearts…” I shut my eyes.

“Why do you watch my videos?”

“Because I miss you.” I swallowed. “As fucked up as that is.”

“You miss fucking me, you mean?”

Did he think that’s all he was to me? “No, Rafe. I miss talking to you,” I nearly yelled. “I miss being around you. I miss your creativity, your outlook on life and how much it inspires me. I miss your laugh. I miss how passionate you are and how you see through me like no one else.” I paused. “But besides all of that, I also miss the way things were before—not feeling like a horrible person twenty-four-seven.”

He crossed his arms and seethed. “We both feel like horrible people, so at least you’re not alone in that.” Rafe turned to stare at his spinning clothes. “Maybe I need to leave New York and find someone else to look after Rosemary.”

My eyes widened. “You can’t leave. I’ll leave before that happens.”

“No, you won’t.”

“If one of us should leave the City, it’s me, Rafe—not you. I’ve disrupted your life enough. You shouldn’t have to think about moving because of me. The only thing stopping me from going is that…I don’t know how to hurt Calder. He doesn’t deserve this.”

“Well, we certainly agree on that,” he said.

Calder really needed to get that job in London. I’d go with him, and Rafe could have his life back. It would mean me giving up my work, but I was willing to sacrifice that to save everyone from getting hurt. Should I tell Rafe about Calder’s London opportunity? Maybe he’d already told him. My mind swirled.

“I wanted to fucking throw up on my phone when Calder told me he’d had sex with you during our heart to heart the other day.”

A rush of adrenaline shot through me. “I’m surprised he brought that up.”

“What do you think we talk about? The fucking weather?” Rafe exhaled. “He mentioned it in the context of you acting strange and him not understanding what’s going on. He didn’t realize how much hearing about that would fuck me up.”

I felt a little sick. “I haven’t known how to get out of it without him suspecting something. But I haven’t wanted it.”

“TMI, Talia,” Rafe barked, his previously calm demeanor dissolving in an instant. His eyes darkened. “You know what? You were right. You should go upstairs.”

“I don’t want to,” I said. “But I will.” Deflated, I turned to walk away.

But he gripped my arm, forcing me to turn around, his hard chest pressing against my breasts. My nipples hardened. His eyes had the same look of uncontrollable hunger I’d witnessed the night I’d practically sleepwalked into his room.

Before I could blink, Rafe’s mouth was on mine, swallowing me whole. My legs felt weak as I drowned in his taste, breathed him in. Desperate for more, I raked my hands through his hair, unable to control myself. I wanted to touch him, taste him, consume him. I wanted him inside of me. No, I needed him inside of me like I needed my next breath.

Rafe lifted me onto the washer, holding me at the edge as he slid my skirt up. I heard the clank of his belt buckle before he ripped my panties as he moved them to the side.

“Fuck.” He growled as he entered me in one rough movement. It should’ve been painful, but I was so wet that it eased the friction.

He fucked me hard. Was this punishment for sleeping with Calder? It felt like he was taking me back, claiming me. And I was as willing a participant as he could possibly have.

He moved in and out of me angrily, almost frantic. “Were you thinking about me when you were fucking him?” He thrust harder. “Huh, Talia?” Thrust. “I was probably right under you downstairs…” Thrust. “Jerking off to you while you were letting him fuck you.” Thrust. “I fucking missed you, too, Talia.” Thrust. “Fucking missed you so damn much.” Thrust. “Miss how you make me feel.” Thrust. “Fuck you, Talia.” Thrust. “Fuck you so hard.” Thrust. “You’re so goddamn perfect.”

What he whispered next practically broke my heart. “I want you for myself.”

He came right after that, groaning in a way that sounded almost pained. He emptied himself inside of me, and it took me only a few seconds of rubbing my clit to follow him in climax. It was so intense.

After, Rafe rested his head on my shoulder as I remained on the washing machine. We were tangled together in shame, once again feeling the consequences of giving in to this inexplicable need.

When he finally pulled out of me, I felt hot cum drip down my thigh. I wanted it back inside of me. I wanted him back inside of me, because something told me that when I let him go this time, I might not ever get him back. Maybe it was all that talk about leaving. Or maybe it was just a feeling.

Then Rafe kissed me softly on the cheek and confirmed my worst fears. “Don’t feel guilty,” he said. “It’s over. That was goodbye.”

CHAPTER 22