Page 64 of Smash

He mumbled something unintelligible in response. Then he fitted his hand around my neck again, not hard enough to choke me, but firmly enough to signify possession.

He was using my body in the best way. I’d never been fucked so hard, so thoroughly. This was going to leave a mark I wouldn’t come back from. But somehow, in that moment, it felt worth it, though I knew I might not survive.

Rafe dug his nails into my hips as he pounded into me. Sweat beaded my forehead, and I felt my climax readying to tear through my body. His balls slapped against me as he sped up before letting out a loud growl and diving in as deeply as he could. As I felt the heat of his cum filling me, I released everything, and a tidal wave of utter euphoria pummeled my insides. But even after I came down, Rafe wasn’t finished. He continued slowly fucking me, pushing his cum deeper.

A minute later, the room was eerily quiet as he pulled out. I stayed on the ground for several seconds, almost too afraid to turn around. When I finally did, Rafe was on the bed, staring straight ahead with a look of utter melancholy on his face. His body glistened with the aftermath of our unforgivable choice. This cold, post-coital reality felt exactly as I’d feared it would.

I picked up my panties and slipped them over my legs. Then I reached for my T-shirt and pulled it on, feeling numb.

When I sat next to him on the edge of the bed, Rafe turned to me, an emptiness in his eyes. “You should leave. You wouldn’t want your boyfriend to wake up and find you gone.”

***

I barely remembered how I’d gotten from Rafe’s apartment back to my bed. When the alarm sounded the next morning, I might’ve thought the whole thing was a fever dream were it not for the soreness between my legs.

Calder reached over and kissed my cheek before he got up. It felt like a sting on my skin. He headed to the kitchen, but it wasn’t far enough away. Being around him today felt impossible, guilt threatening to choke me.

Would it get better with time, or was this my life forevermore?

Forcing myself up, I headed straight for the bathroom, eager for a hot shower to wash away the sins of the night before. As the water rained down on me, however, I felt no better. My mind alternated between remorse and the absolute euphoria that sex with Rafe had been. I’d never done anything so horrible in my life. Cheating wasn’t something I considered forgivable when it came to other people. And when it came to myself? It was definitely not forgivable. In fact, it felt more like a punishable crime.

More than anything, I knew I had to protect Calder from ever finding out. He’d never survive a double betrayal. Why had I not been able to stop it? What did that say about me, and what else might I be capable of? I didn’t know myself anymore.

I broke down sobbing, my tears mingling with the water. The reality of what Rafe and I had done came crashing down on me. I struggled to breathe and realized I had to release all of my emotions in here because out in the kitchen, Calder and I would have coffee together before work.

“What took you so long?” Calder asked as I finally entered the kitchen after getting dressed.

Barely able to look at him, I tried to smile. “Oh. I was just enjoying the shower a little more than normal.”

“Didn’t you shower before bed?”

Right. “I did, but I was hot last night, so I felt like I needed another one.”

“Oh.” He paused. “You sure nothing else is wrong?”

I shook my head. “It’s just work stress. Still getting used to things.”

“Of course. Totally normal.” He nodded. “Well, I poured your coffee, but I have to run if I’m gonna get to work on time.”

Act normal, Talia. “Sorry I took so long and didn’t have a chance to drink it with you.”

“No problem, babe.” Calder walked over to the kitchen counter and kissed me on the cheek. I still couldn’t look at him. “You’re gonna do great in the new position,” he assured me. “You just have to push through the first few weeks. Before you know it, you’ll be running the place. They’ll promote you to editor in no time.”

Feeling like a monster, I smiled. But I couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t sound disingenuous.

He stopped at the door before he left. “Sushi tonight for dinner? I can pick it up on the way home.”

I forced another smile. “That sounds great.”

“Good. I’ll be sure to tell them to leave off the ginger you hate.” He winked. “Love you, babe.”

“Love you,” I muttered.

The moment he closed the door behind him, a touch of relief washed over me. But it was slight because nothing could really bring me relief anymore, probably not for as long as I lived. I’d made my bed, and now I had to lie in it.

CHAPTER 18

On my walk home from the train that evening, I thought about the mess my life had become. Not only was I on the verge of losing everything, but my job might also be on the line soon.