Page 53 of Smash

Everything after that felt like I was underwater. I could see and hear what was happening around me, but it all came through muffled.

“I told you,” Calder said. “Rafe got us the reservation.”

He hadn’t said that, had he? Hadn’t he said “I got us a reservation”? Or had I just heard what I wanted to hear? What I needed to hear in order to get this far.

Rafe’s eyes seared into mine. Burning. “Thanks for returning that tool to me today. I didn’t get the chance to thank you.”

My eyes flared.

Oh.

Fuck.

He knows.

“Of course,” I managed, my voice a squeak.

He nodded, but his gaze didn’t cool. Not for a second.

I wanted to die. Actually die. Or have a great, big hole open up beneath me and swallow me down. Anything that would save me from having to explain why I suddenly couldn’t form a single coherent sentence.

Luckily, Calder didn’t seem to notice a thing. He pulled Rafe into a conversation about a baseball game, and I stood there nodding like a bobblehead and praying no one asked me anything.

A few minutes later, we were seated, Calder and I on one side of the table and Rafe directly across from me. Of course. And because this was omakase, where the chef chooses the menu, we didn’t even get menus for me to hide behind for a few minutes. Nope, no buffer. Just me sitting across from the man I’d watched masturbate today trying to keep a straight face while sitting next to my live-in boyfriend who also happened to be said masturbater’s best friend. Perfect.

Calder stretched his arm out behind my chair, absently rubbing circles on my shoulder like he always did. It should have brought me comfort. It didn’t. Especially not when Rafe’s leg brushed mine under the table.

I stilled.

Was that accidental?

Or—

I couldn’t tell.

Because when I looked up, he wasn’t even looking at me.

He was staring off into the restaurant like nothing had happened.

Thankfully, the waiter came to take our drink orders, and Calder launched into something about work.

The first course came. I contributed a sentence here and there—just enough to seem present—but my brain wasn’t cooperating enough to form any meaningful thoughts.

The second course arrived. Time crawled. Painfully. Excruciatingly. Rafe barely acknowledged me. Except when he did…

“How was the shower pressure for you today?” he asked casually, but his eyes locked on mine.

My chopsticks paused mid-air. I swallowed hard, feeling Calder’s attention shift toward me as he waited for my response. “Good.”

Rafe nodded. “Mine wasn’t great. Had to take a long one to make up for it.”

My mouth went bone dry. I reached for my water, taking a sip to buy myself a second. “Mine was fine.”

“Lucky you.” His gaze lingered.

Then he looked away like it was nothing, like he hadn’t just called me out in front of my boyfriend and his best friend.

Act normal.