Page 116 of Smash

Calder picked up his suitcase and started toward the stairs. I followed, every step feeling heavier than the last. When I got to the second-floor landing, I looked back over my shoulder. Rafe was still standing in the doorway, watching me walk away with another man. No matter which way I turned next, there was no painless way out of this.

***

Once again, the only thing worse than fighting was the silent treatment. That’s what I’d had for the forty-five minutes since Calder and I had walked into the apartment. He’d wheeled his bag into the bedroom and closed the door. He didn’t come out for a half hour, and the last fifteen minutes, with me sitting in the kitchen while he sat in the adjoining living room, had been physically painful. But I didn’t know what to say. Or what to do. There was no way to make what needed to be said less terrible.

Finally, Calder got up and walked past me to the cabinet where we kept the liquor. He poured himself a half glass of something amber and took a big slug before turning around to face me.

“Did you fuck him again?”

I shook my head before even completing the thought.

His eyes narrowed. “You’re not pulling some Bill Clinton shit, are you? Maybe you didn’t fuck him, but you did everything else?”

I looked down. “We spent time together.”

“Awesome.” He scoffed before gulping back the rest of his drink. “I don’t know what’s worse, you having a physical relationship with my best friend or an emotional one.”

I tasted salt in my throat. “I’m so sorry, Calder. I never meant to hurt you. I’m full of shame and regret.”

“So you’ve said. Have you figured out if the regret is for getting caught or for fucking him?”

“The regret is for hurting you, when you’ve been nothing but a good boyfriend.”

Calder was silent, but his face grew redder and redder as the seconds ticked away. I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or anger. Probably both.

Eventually he shook his head. “I was going to ask you to marry me soon. I already went to look at rings.”

It felt like I’d been stabbed in the heart. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry doesn’t exactly cut it,” he said flatly. “Not when your trust has been obliterated by the two people you trusted most in the world.”

A tear rolled down my cheek. “I wish I could take away the hurt. You’re such a good man.”

“Apparently being a good man doesn’t get you too far.” He turned and poured another half glass of amber liquid, then faced me again, swirling it around. “I didn’t get the job in London.”

I closed my eyes.

“I made some big mistakes last week because my head wasn’t in the game. I didn’t deserve the position.”

“I’m sorry.” Tears fell faster now. “It’s all my fault.”

“Yeah, it is.” He gulped more alcohol and set the glass down on the counter harder than necessary, making me jump. Then he pushed off the counter where he’d been leaning. “I’m going to pack my shit and stay at a hotel until I can figure out where I’m going to live.”

“That’s not necessary.” I hesitated, unsure what to tell him. But I didn’t want him wasting money on a hotel. This was his place, not mine. “Rafe offered me his apartment,” I said quietly. “He’s going to Vegas for a while. He leaves in a week. I should be the one to leave. I can stay there.”

Calder’s mouth twisted. “On second thought, I’d like you to do something for me. Can you do that, Talia? I need you to think of me for once.”

My eyes widened. “Of course. Whatever you need.”

“Stay here until he leaves. In this apartment. You can have the bed. I’ll take the couch. And don’t contact him tonight.”

My stomach sank.

“I want the fucker to get a taste of his own medicine,” Calder snarled. “Let him wonder what we’re doing all night long, just like I have for the last couple of weeks. Serves him right.”

My heart felt like it was splitting in two, yet I nodded. Rafe would have to understand when I explained it to him at some point.

“I’ll get my things from the room,” he said. “Then it’s yours.” He finished the alcohol in his glass and walked to the bedroom doorway. “Part of me wants to jump on the bed and make it squeak so the fucker feels the pain I’ve felt.” His jaw tightened. “But I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, much less my ex-best friend.”