Page 87 of Playboy Pilot

“I don’t want to talk about this with you, Alexa.”

“Why? I was married once. I was in love. I could be a friend, too, you know. There’s more to me than just a place to stick your dick once in a while. You just never had any interest in getting to know me before.”

I stared at her. She was absolutely right. Before Kendall, I wouldn’t have agreed with her, but now I knew what it was like to let someone in—to open myself up to more than just sex—so I was able to see things clearly. I’d never given her a half a chance. “I’m sorry about that, Alexa.”

She let down her tough guard and, for a second, I saw a vulnerable side of her that I’d never seen before. “That’s okay. I took what I could get from you.”

Luckily, the mechanic showed up quicker than expected and ended our little heart to heart. After I showed him the broken gauge and ran though a checklist of other questions, I was done and released from my duty. Alexa and I disembarked, and we headed into the terminal and began our walk to the airport exit.

As we made our way through the concourse, my mind was racing. Was this the right way to go about making myself feel like the old me again? Mindless screwing with a co-worker? Why did it feel wrong now? Kendall was gone, it had been more than eleven months, and there was no reason for me to stay faithful to a ghost.

As we passed a Hudson News stand, I thought I actually saw a ghost. A woman was browsing magazines, her back facing me, but from behind she looked exactly like Kendall. My heartbeat started to accelerate more in that quick flash than it had in a long time. Seeing the ghost of Kendall had me more worked up than the thought of what I was about to do with Alexa. I stared at the woman as we passed. Realizing she was wearing a flight attendant’s uniform for a sister airline, National Elite, I felt deflated and forced myself to look away. I was really starting to lose my mind.

A conscience I didn’t realize I even owned had started to kick in by the time we reached the exit. There was no way I could do this with Alexa. As much as I hated myself for not being able to move on, I just wasn’t ready. The taxi line had only one person waiting. We got in line, and a cab quickly pulled up. When the driver got out and opened the trunk, I waited until he took Alexa’s luggage.

“Alexa. I’m sorry. I appreciate the invitation, but I can’t do this.”

“Do what?” She seemed sincerely perplexed.

“Go with you. To your hotel. I’m not ready.”

“Not ready? You mean…”

“No, not like that. It’s not a physical problem. I’m just…my mind is somewhere else, and that’s not fair to do to you.”

She stepped closer and grabbed the lapels to my uniform. “I don’t mind.”

I forced a sad smile. “I’m sorry. But I do.”

She sighed loudly. “Is there anything I can offer to convince you?”

Can you make a ghost turn into reality?

“No. I’m sorry.” I opened the back door of the car and waited for her to get in.

She slipped inside and looked genuinely sad, rather than angry. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

“Thank you. Take care of yourself, Alexa.”

I shut the door and rapped my knuckles on the top of the yellow car to let the driver know he could pull away. Then I stood there for a full ten minutes staring at nothing but the sidewalk. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I could go check into a hotel, but that thought depressed me even more than the incident with Alexa did. So I did the only thing that seemed to make me feel better lately—and headed back into the airport.

The Sky Lounge food wasn’t half bad, and it would kill some time before going to my depressing hotel by myself. I headed through the security I’d just exited and back down the National Elite concourse. As I passed gate thirty-two, I caught a glimpse of what I thought was the blonde Kendall ghost walking down the gangway to board her flight. She really looked like her from behind. The swing of her hips was even similar. I stopped to watch her walk the entire way down, not moving until she’d disappeared out of sight. Again, my heart was beating out of control just seeing a woman who looked similar to Kendall.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

I shook my head, blinked a few times, and forced myself to continue walking. I’d made it two or three more gates when I suddenly turned back around. “I’m losing my fucking mind,” I grumbled to myself. It was ridiculous, I knew. But my heart was still racing, and I’d never be able to sleep tonight if I didn’t at least ask.

I waited in line behind a woman who wanted to change her seat. When it was my turn, I made sure my captain’s hat was on my head. “Hi, I’m Carter Clynes with International. I could have sworn I just saw an old friend that I used to work with go down the gateway.

“You mean Captain Reisher?”

“No. A flight attendant. We used to work together.”

“Let’s see. We have Melissa Hansen, Nat Ditmar and…” The woman turned to her co-worker. “What’s the new flight attendant’s name again? The blonde?”

My heart started to pound with anticipation.

“The one that just finished training last week?”