Page 86 of Badd B*tch

She stared at me. "You haven't said you didn't. Which means you did. If you hadn't gobbled his knob, you'd be yelling about how you didn't and wouldn't and how dare I suggest such a thing."

I sighed. "How do you work for one of the most prestigious think tanks on the planet, and then act like this?"

"Because I'm smart as fuck and funny as hell." She licked my cheek. "Duh."

I cackled again, wiping at my cheek with my sleeve. "Gross. Don't lick me."

"Like you licked his lollipop all the way to the ooey-gooey-rich-and-chewy center?"

"TANIA!"

"There she is." She stared at me. "Still no denial." She covered her mouth with both hands. "YOU DID!"

I glanced at the door—closed. "Okay, fine. Yes. I did. And I liked it." I swallowed hard. "And he is funny. And sweet. And interesting. And hot as fuck."

"Hot as fuck?"

"Hot as fuck."

"And on a scale from cocktail wiener to six-pound-salami, how big is his dick?"

I recoiled. "Six-pound salami? Fucking hell, Tania. I hope to god that's something you've only seen in porn."

"Nope." She curled her hands together as if gripping something the width of a soda can and then spread them at least ten inches apart. "It was like this, I swear to god. He should have had a Rascal with a basket just for carrying around his colossal cock.”

"What do you even do with something like that?" I asked.

"Run away screaming."

"No kidding!”

"After a handjob but before I talked myself into seeing if I could unhinge my jaw like a python."

“Tania."

"But enough about me. What's his name? What does he do? How good was the dick?"

"His name is Jax Badd, he's a computer programmer, or a coder? I don't know the difference, but he's a computer savant, and he's Xavier Badd's nephew. And the dick is none of your business, but let's just say that if I have a sense of humor, all of a sudden, it's not a coincidence."

"I was teasing, bub. You've always had a sense of humor; it's just usually so dry it's hard to tell if you're joking." She leaned down and hugged me. "I'm happy for you." She paused, sat up. “Wait. It is still a thing, right? You're not gonna rip the IV out and vanish?"

I shook my head. "It's still a thing. No vanishing."

"So you did not have sex, but you did go down on him, and you liked it enough that you won’t tell me about it. Which means it’s serious, because if it wasn’t, you'd tell me. The only time you don't tell me is if it's a thing, and not just sex."

"It's a thing."

"But no sex."

"Not yet. We were lost in the bush with no supplies, and we—I—got attacked by a bear. He got badly hurt defending me."

She stared at me. "Wait, wait, wait. You got attacked by a bear? And you're just now telling me?"

"Where do you think Jax is? Getting stitched back together."

"How'm I supposed to know? I got here literally ten minutes before you woke up. I know nothing other than you were in a crash in Alaska, of all places."

I frowned. "Wait, how long was I asleep?"