Page 36 of Badd B*tch

I hadn’t even told him the worst part.

I tried to smile and didn't quite get there; it ended up lopsided, as if half my face was paralyzed. "Thanks."

After thoroughly killing the fire and erasing any evidence that we were there, we set out again, this time with full bellies.

It wasn't until several hours later that I realized that Jax had, in all likelihood, intentionally shifted the conversation away from the rest of the story, for the sake of my emotional well-being.

That understanding did weird, squishy things to me that I wasn't sure I liked.

The man is problematically wonderful.

Chapter 7

Jax

I just cannot seem to get past the woman's shell. That story was a big step, I recognize, but it just doesn't feel like enough.

I've been fighting for my life, metaphorically speaking, trying to keep my attraction to her from ruling our interactions. She's clearly not interested in me like that, even if some part of her may find me physically attractive. I got a very definite sense that the mission cost her a fuckuva lot more than just a gunshot wound and traumatic memories—which, to be clear, is more than enough for anyone.

The whole situation is just putting me in a shitty position. After languishing through an unrequited love for Emerson for literally my entire life, from the time I was old enough to understand that girls were different from boys until she got married and thereby permanently ended any hope I may have still foolishly harbored.

Which was just a couple of years ago.

Since then, I have moved on, emotionally, from Emerson. No, really, I have; I've had to. But…it hasn't been easy. Being in love with someone who will never love you back really sucks. It's not like I wanted to be. I tried not to be. I tried everything I could think of to eradicate her from my emotions. I just…couldn't. And it left its mark on me.

My thoughts have been running wild as we hiked. Tea was similarly lost in thought for the rest of the day's walk, her shoulders set high and tensed, braid swinging gently.

It's hard not to stare at her ass.

I clamped down on that thought, because the last thing I can handle right now is letting myself develop feelings for someone else who won't ever return them.

As evening lowered itself around us, Tea glanced back at me. "We should find somewhere to make camp soon."

I nodded and took the lead—I've been happy to let her lead since she's a professionally trained navigator and all. I have a good sense of direction, and I know my way around the woods, so I feel confident I could get us there, but this is the kind of stuff Tea has spent literal years training for.

But actual woodcraft? That's more my field, apparently. I'm nowhere near the caliber of outdoorsman that Uncle Ram or Papa Lucas is, but I can generally muddle my way through.

We walked another twenty minutes or so before finding a likely spot: an outcropping of granite protruding from a sheer hillside, creating a ten-foot-tall wall of rock. We built our fire right up against the rock as a heat reflector; it had been sunny and warm today, so the wood we found was mostly dry, which meant our fire was bigger, hotter, and less smoky. If only we had something else to cook on it.

Without the task of cooking, all we could do was sit, stare at the fire, and think our thoughts.

"Tell me something about yourself," Tea said, out of the blue.

I glanced at her. "Like what?"

She shrugged. "I dunno. Something interesting."

"I'm not very interesting, though." I snorted. “I’ve never been shot down; I don’t have any cool nicknames or stories of how I got them. I'm just a guy with a big family who likes computers."

"Bullshit." Tea spat the word. "Thorvaldsen wouldn’t have hired you if that was the case."

I sighed. "I mean, sure, I'm pretty good at what I do. But then, most of what I do is pretty esoteric. I guarantee you, the project I was headed for up there has to do with AI. It's a field I'm super interested in."

"That shit scares the shit outta me, Jax."

"I know, and it should, to a degree. But from what I gleaned from conversations with Linus, I think he's doing it right. Everything is firewalled and sandboxed."

"Meaning?"