Page 4 of Bourbon & Bikers

Chloe looked conflicted. “Mom, Dad came all this way, from...?” She looked at me curiously.

“Arizona.”

“From Arizona. I’d like to hear what he has to say.”

Dawn looked surprised and maybe a little hurt. Her spine stiffened, and she shot me a look that made my balls shrivel. I’d forgotten how scary and hot she was when she was angry.

“Well, you’ve been an adult for a long time now,” she told Chloe. “You’re free to talk to him if you want. I won’t stop you. I can cover your shift if you want to take off and go talk to him now before he leaves town again.”

I could tell it pained her to make the offer.

“I’m not going to leave you on the busiest night of the week,” Chloe protested. “I’ll work my full shift tonight.”

I was struck with a sense of pride for the professional my daughter had become, even though I had nothing to do with it. Dawn had done a great job of raising her.

Chloe turned to me. “We’re short staffed and will be here late tonight so today’s not good. Can you meet us for brunch tomorrow?”

“Absolutely. Just tell me when and where.”

Chloe named a restaurant I’d seen on my way into town and suggested that we meet at ten a.m.

“Okay, I’ll leave you to your work and will see you both tomorrow at ten.”

“Oh, I’m not coming,” Dawn protested.

“Please Dawn, I’d really like to say a few things to both of you and explain why I’m here. I promise I won’t bother you again after that if you don’t want me to.”

Actually, I was lying. Now that I’d seen Dawn again, now that I realized I was still in love with her, I didn’t know if I’d be able to stay away from her. But Dawn was obviously angry, and I liked my balls right where they were. My ex-wife knew the value of a well-placed knee. I’d learned that the hard way.

“I’ll think about it,” she grumbled. “Now if you don’t mind, we’ve got to get ready for dinner service.”

“Of course.” I turned to Chloe. “It was nice to see you again, Chloe.”

My daughter nodded, still looking shocked and pale. “See you tomorrow, Dad.”

I headed outside to where I’d parked my bike, glancing at the front of the restaurant. It was a cute little seafood place about a block away from the Promenade of the small beach town where Dawn and I had grown up. The interior had been decorated to look like the inside of a ship. Apparently Dawn did pretty well there, judging by the positive yelp reviews. She’d always wanted to have her own restaurant. I was glad she’d reached her goal.

Driving back to the Airbnb I’d rented for the month, I was overwhelmed with memories of the past. I’d been raised in this town, met the love of my life here, but at some point, it had started to feel like a prison cell. It felt like bad luck that we’d gotten pregnant despite using protection, and then after our parents demanded that we get married, I’d felt trapped. As much as I’d loved Dawn and Chloe – and I’d loved them both deeply—I needed more.

I’d been young and stupid then, barely twenty. Despite being a father, I was still surprisingly immature. Instead of talking to Dawn about my feelings like a man, I’d secretly plotted my escape for months. My wife had been shocked when I told her I wanted a divorce. With the benefit of hindsight and maturity, I could see how much I’d blindsided her.

After I’d left, I’d headed to Texas and worked on an oil rig for a while. It was hard work, but it had taught me about discipline, and helped me bulk up from a skinny kid to a muscular man. It had also paid well enough to allow me to send a chunk of my monthly paycheck back to Dawn and Chloe.

Every few years I’d grown restless and moved to a new place. Logging in Oregon. Working on a fishing boat in Alaska. Eventually I’d gotten trained as a wildlands firefighter, moving around the country every fire season, going to wherever things were burning. It was hard work, but I loved it. I’d stuck with firefighting longer than I’d ever stuck with anything.

Through it all, I’d made sure to send money to Dawn to help her and Chloe. From time to time I’d considered coming back to see them, or at least calling them, but I’d always chickened out. I knew I’d done something unforgivable, and the longer I was away, the more I was convinced that they were better off without me.

Until a couple of months ago. Out of the blue, I got a call from an attorney. My father had died, and I was his only living relative. I didn’t even know how the lawyer had found me, I’d cut ties with my parents at the same time I’d abandoned my wife and child. We’d never been close, and I blamed them for forcing me into a marriage I wasn’t ready for. I’d heard my mother died a couple of months after I left, but I was too caught up in my own life to go to the funeral. Apparently my father moved to Phoenix shortly afterwards.

Despite us not talking for twenty-five years, my dad had left everything to me. Then again, I guess it was either me or charity. His lawyer told me that he’d never remarried or had other kids. Dad had left me his house and enough investments that I didn’t really have to work anymore. I’d been shocked. I didn’t know my father had been so well off. I didn’t know my father at all.

I’d headed to Phoenix to check out my new house and figure out my next steps. As I’d walked through the place where my father had been living for twenty years, I suddenly had a vision of my daughter going through my house after I died. I imagined a grown up Chloe going through my belongings and thinking sadly that she didn’t know me at all. Like me, she would look at some little trinket or picture and wonder why it was important enough that someone kept it, and then toss it in the dumpster.

I’d been hit with an intense longing to face up to the mistakes of my past, and to try to make things right with my daughter and ex-wife. I didn’t want to die without making amends for how I’d treated them. At forty-five, I was finally facing my own mortality.

I’d spent a full month cleaning out the house, and another month hanging out, trying to convince myself that I was doing the right thing by trying to reconnect with Dawn and Chloe. In the end, I knew I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t try, so I got on my motorcycle and drove across the country.

I’d long since changed from that selfish and trapped little boy who’d run away from his marriage into a man who took responsibility for his actions. It was time to man up and face my girls. Even if they told me to fuck off, at least I’d know that I tried to make it right with them. I only hoped I hadn’t waited too long.