Page 141 of Broken & Bound

My head whipped up. What was she talking about?

“It may not be exactly the same, but I lost three babies between you and your brother. So take that for what it’s worth. Not to mention, you were too young to know what really happened to Vanya.”

“I don’t need to know. I watched women get raped for two years, Mum. Every single fucking day.”

Marcel had encouraged me to tell her the truth. It had been a recent disclosure, so she didn’t have many details.

“I’m sorry for bringing it up. I’m just trying to help.”

“I don’t want your help. I want to be left alone,” I shouted, reaching the end of my bandwidth for the day.

Tears filled her eyes. “I won’t let you waste away, Isabella. You’re my daughter, and I love you.”

“Love me? If you love me, then let me grieve in peace. Stop trying to force me to move forward. I don’t want to. I just want my babies.”

She stepped forward, and I shook my head.

She took a deep breath. “I grieved the first one alone. It was an early loss, six weeks. I hadn’t told your father yet. I was waiting for our anniversary.”

I gulped and blinked rapidly. I didn’t want to know this.

“The second one he was there for, literally, so no keeping it a secret. The third time was the hardest of all. I was twenty-three weeks along and had to go through labor.”

I felt my knees tremble. I gripped the edge of my dresser. Labor? That sounded brutal in every way possible.

“I understand loss and heartache. I pushed him away, much like you’ve done Pasha.”

I turned away, feeling the weight of her sorrow in a completely different way. I couldn’t get the image out of my head now. She had to go through labor. I sucked in a huge breath of air as tears sprang to my eyes.

“Grieving is a process. I’m not trying to rush you, but I also won’t sit by and watch you die right before my eyes. What kind of mother would that make me?”

She shrugged and then wiped her own tears that had start to spill down her cheeks.

“I won’t tell you the pain will pass and get better, because much like your childhood experiences, it will live with you forever. You will always wonder about them. And the truth is, so will all of us that love you. You want to be alone in the pain. It’s deeply personal…”

My eyes met hers, and in them, the reflection of her pain, mirroring mine in small ways, shone back. She breathed through the tears.

“I lived in complete fear every day I carried you inside my womb. You were born with your cord wrapped around your neck. You didn’t even cry when you came out.”

She pressed trembling fingers to her lips and looked away for a moment, blinking rapidly as though willing herself not to fall apart. When she looked back at me, her composure had returned, but only just.

“I thought I lost you, but your father was there beside me every step of the way. Later, when they came to take you to the nursery so I could rest, you let out a wail the moment you left my arms. I demanded you back. You’ve been stubborn from the very beginning,” she whispered, more to herself than to me.

She drew in a slow, steadying breath, squaring her shoulders before continuing.

“I won’t go into the years of absolute hell I experienced when you disappeared. I almost gave up several times. If not for Sophia and your father, I wouldn’t be standing here today.”

“I’m not going,” I said with a defiant shake of my head.

“Yes, you are. You can’t out-stubborn me. You can try all you like, but you and your brother inherited that trait from me.”

She folded her arms. The conversation was no longer a negotiation. The decision had already been made. She was simply waiting for me to come to terms with it.

“We’ll give you the space you crave and you can sit inside your bedroom at the beach house much the same as you are here. But make no mistake, you will be on that jet, young lady.”

A knock sounded on the door.

“Um, is this a bad time?” Tori stepped into my room with Kinsley in tow.