Page 109 of The Spare

“Every single one.” His eyes are so blue. The storm clouds from earlier have cleared, and now they look like a deep blue sea. So open and completely unguarded. The sight of them takes my breath away. “I was so hurt. Felt so betrayed that you’d chosen Bas instead of me.”

“But—” He covers my lips with his finger.

“That’s the perception I was navigated to believe. Then I went to ask you to homecoming, and you were hugging Chad Lewis on the front porch steps.”

I wheeze in a shaky inhalation, nearly choking on my own breath. “What?”

“Yeah. I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to tell you I’d work hard to be as successful as my brother. To show you we could be just as happy.”

“That’s why you turned your back on me at homecoming? When we were voted King and Queen, and you were supposed to kiss my hand and ask for the first dance?”

Again, he drops his head. “I was so weak, Alexis. I’m so sorry. That night was torture for me. I thought if I brought another girl, seeing you there with Chad would be no big deal. I’d drink and dance and party it up with all of my superficial friends and ignore you two. But I was dying inside. I wanted to fucking pummel that guy. Hell, I kept wanting to pummel him when I found out you two were dating after graduation.”

I reach over and squeeze his hand. “See. We both have things we aren’t proud of. I never wanted Chad. Like, ever. I was forcing myself to move on with my life. He was a really rotten substitute for the only man I ever wanted.” I give him a broken smile. The last remaining wall around my heart crumbles into dust.

All those years of aching distance evaporates in the quiet space between us.

“Sam…” I drop the time capsule onto the bed beside me and throw my arms around his neck. Burying my face in the crook of his shoulder, I relish his familiar, comforting scent.

He lets out a ragged, shuddering gasp, squeezing me tight. He pulls me so flush against his chest that I can feel the erratic pounding of his heart through his sweatshirt. Sam buries his face in my hair, breathing me in as if he’s been starving for it.

“I’m so sorry, Lex,” he rasps into my collarbone. “I’m so damn sorry for every second I hurt you. For turning my back on you back then. For not fighting harder to be a better person.” His breath tickles my ear. The sensation flooding me with memories from then and now. “I swear to you, I’ll spend every day making it up to you.”

“I know.” I tighten my grip on him, letting my fresh tears soak into his sweatshirt. “I know you will.”

He pulls back just enough to look into my eyes. “I’m still working through therapy. I’m certain I’ll continue to make mistakes, but I promise I’m working hard to be the man you deserve. No more secrets. No more family bullshit. Just you and me.”

“Well, you and me, and Gavin,” I correct. “It might feel awkward at first, but I hope we can find a way to be a family somehow. Even if it’s not conventional.”

Sam chuckles. “Well, considering I wouldn’t know what a conventional family looked or felt like, that’s fine by me.”

I consider he’s right. Since my parents’ death, mine hasn’t been the norm either. But I wouldn’t trade the life I had with my grandfather.

He leans down and presses his lips to mine. “He called me Dad tonight.”

My eyes spring wide. “Wow, really?”

“Yeah. Just blurted it out. Never expected I’d ever hear that in my lifetime.” He shakes his head, then reaches for my hand. “Wasn’t really interested in repeating my parents’ mistakes. But if it isn’t too late, and it’s something you’d want one day… well, I think I might be game.”

Without thinking, I bum rush him. Using my entire body weight, I push him down onto the bed. I kiss him with such ferocity I almost question my own sanity. Has this been something I’ve suppressed? Given up hoping for around work and endless bad relationships?

“Whoa, Lex,” he mumbles under the force of my kisses. “I love you. I didn’t mean right this second. But hells bells, baby, if you want to start right now, I’m all in.” Sam rolls on top of me. His kiss isn’t frantic or demanding. It’s slow, soft, and deep, and settles straight into my bones. It feels like coming home after a decade in the dark. It reminds me of the vineyard after a hard rain. When you see it spread out before you. Lush and ready for something new to grow.

When Sam finally pulls back, his forehead rests gently against mine, his eyes closed as he breathes me in. “I’ve waited my whole life for this. To come home to you each day. Make love to my wife. The woman I’ve loved my entire life.” I close my eyes as he lets out an audible exhale. It’s as if for the first time in decades, we can finally breathe again.

“I’ll never take the gift we’ve been given for granted.” He places a chaste kiss on the corner of my mouth, then another on my forehead. “I need you to believe me, Lex. There was never anything that was more precious to me. Then or now.” He gently rubs his nose against mine.

“It was always you.”

Epilogue

Sam

Three Years Later

The morning mist hangs low over the vineyard. It rises off the damp earth just as the sun peaks over the timberline. I stand on our back porch, a steaming mug of coffee cradled in my hands, listening to the quiet before the day begins. Sutter Creek isn’t the silent rolling vines of years ago.

But that’s a good thing.