Page 61 of Sunny Undone

I’m learning that, in sex, there’s a very real moment when want tips right over into need. The threshold is never clear. Simple attraction crosses into desire that becomes so sufficiently overwhelming that rational decision making goes out the window.

Studies generally need measurable criteria. My current criteria seems to be a simple question. Could I stop touching him right now if I had to? The answer is an unequivocal no. I run my hands over his shoulders, his arms, reassuring myself he’s real and here and wants me like I want him.

A second criteria should probably be whether I am capable of putting the formulation of follow-up questions to a man’s revelations about the procurement of a piece of land I claim to care about above physical curiosity. The answer to that is a definitive no, I am not. I just want to feel his body against mine. I’m more curious about where he’ll touch me next than I am about who the broker is and why he wants their land.

Sunny wants me. And that, in itself, is a miracle, because he could have almost anyone and…

I try to give myself a shake. Comparison is psychologically unhelpful. Physical attractiveness is culturally mediated and subjective. I know there are entire bodies of research devoted to mate selection and that human attraction is far more complex than simple aesthetic matching.

But the ugly voices from the clubhouse slither into my consciousness again.

Sunny’s mouth leaves mine. “Where did you go?”

“What?”

“You disappeared just then.”

I know exactly what he’s talking about, but I’m not sure I’m willing to admit it. “I’m pretty sure I’m still sandwiched between you and this tree.”

He runs a knuckle along my cheek. “You know what I mean.”

Of course, Sunny noticed. He notices everything. I look at the neckline of his T-shirt rather than his face. “I was thinking about what happened in the clubhouse,” I say, finally. “Just for a minute. We make no sense on paper, and it got into my head for a millisecond.”

He unbuttons my pants. “Well, let me get tucked back inside that pussy for a millisecond, and I’ll remind you why we do make sense.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Sunny.”

He cups my cheek. “Wanted you the first night I met you when you had your thighs wrapped around me on my bike. Wanted you when I offered you my spare room and behaved like a fucking gentleman anyway. Wanted you while you were gone. So, if it’s okay with you...”

He dips his hands beneath my panties and finds me wet. His finger brushes over my clit, drawing circles.

“Sunny!” My hips jerk as the sensation shifts from nice to unbearably good in two seconds.

“Keep saying my name, Indy. Might help you remember how much I want you.”

And I do want this ridiculous, joyful man who beat someone badly enough to require a cast because the person hurt my feelings, which is objectively an appalling response to interpersonal conflict that I absolutely should not condone.

But I let the primitive part of me that likes knowing he did it take over. No one has ever fought for me. No one has ever defended me.

But Sunny did.

I drop my head back against the tree as Sunny’s fingers reach between my lips. He slides his boot between my feet and kicks them wider without a word.

Then, his finger dips inside me.

And while there’s something so perfect about being out here, by the water, it’s still very public. “Someone might come.”

“Hoping that’s you,” Sunny says.

“Down the trail,” I say on a gasp as his fingers breach me and withdraw like the tide on the shore.

“Then they’ll get the hottest fucking show. But to put your mind at ease, we got men posted at the entrance and exit of this trail.” He kisses the corner of my mouth. “Love how wet you get for me, but you better come fast if you want to be sure no one sees anything.”

“Samples…I’m meant to be getting…”

“What you’re getting is me.” He puts one hand on the tree trunk by my head, the other fucking me slowly. “I had a plan, Indy. One: Ride to you. Two: Find you in your goddamn university. Three: Bother you until you talked to me. And four…”

“And four?”