Page 48 of Ashborne Phoenix

I squirmed. ‘I know.’

‘Keep talking. Your fears. Give them shape. Show them in the light.’

‘I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I can pinpoint—’

‘Try.’

I frowned. ‘You’re very demanding for a mentor, you know that?’

‘You wouldn’t respect anything less.’

I had to give him that point. But I couldn’t find levity for the moment. I sighed. ‘I fear what will happen to Grace if Breckon, or the king, or another man gets his hands on her. Mother is making it clear to all of them how valuable she is. What if I free her from this plot, only to lose her to some dark sorcerer next year on the same hunt?’

‘You didn’t hesitate to come for her this time. You won’t hesitate to do so again.’

‘That’s not the point—you asked about my fear. I fear losing her. I fear her being harmed. I fear some dark fuck destroying her the way—’

Kham gave a low rumble—a soothing sound. Almost a croon. ‘Koa and I will not let her be taken, either. We keep space for your sake, but we remain prepared. Fear not. If another of these men were to appear at the Keep, he would die in Koa’s flame before you even knew he’d arrived.’

I was both buoyed and alarmed at that. ‘If you knew Breckon was one of the Cruors, why didn’t you flame him?’

‘I didn’t know for certain then. But now I scent the shape of this darkness. I see its shadow on the hearts of these men—and women. I will recognize it if we cross paths again.’

I sighed again. ‘I hope so.’

‘Keep speaking. The fear roars through you.’

‘I’ll never stop being afraid,’ I told him wryly.

‘Do not tell the Creator what He may or may not achieve in your life.’

‘I wasn’t! I only meant—’

‘I know what you meant, and we’ll discuss it later. For now… paint the shape of the shadows in your mind. Expunge them.’

I sighed again, but I could feel my resistance wavering. I knew Kham loved me. I knew he trusted me. And I knew he’d help me. I didn’t have the strength to hold this away from him anymore—especially as we might need to develop a strategy, and quickly.

And so, I told him. I tried to make him understand…

The intoxication of the power… it lit up my veins and prickled my skin. It sped my heart, sharpened my vision, and defeated my mother. Everything about it was a rush. A thrill that made me more alive. When the power coursed through me I felt invincible. In the split-second moment when I’d blocked my mother from throwing something at me, the rush was… overwhelming. I’d almost lost my grip on myself.

Kham rumbled again. ‘You fear that you’ll give in. That you haven’t said goodbye to the darkness of your past.’

I swallowed hard. ‘I’m afraid that even though I don’t want it now, I gave it a grip on me before. And now… now I won’t be strong enough to fight the hold I gave it. I have more now, Kham. How is that possible? I haven’t touched it, have done nothing but shut it away for eight years. But when Grace vowed to me, it surged. I felt it fill me. And when I reached for it instinctively, when my mother attempted to control me, it answered in a wave. I cut through her weaves like a hot knife through butter. Even she was shocked. I’ve never felt it that strong before.’

‘You’re a man now. It’s natural that any gift you have, any talent, would be more refined. Stronger. You are stronger.’

‘But this is darkness!’

‘And you opened to it. There is more of you to fill. You entertained it. If you don’t want it… don’t do that.’

I scowled. ‘Of course I don’t want it! But what am I supposed to do? She was about to bespell me, and who knows what that would have led to?’

Kham was quiet for a beat. When he spoke, his tone was thoughtful. ‘Do you desire to… do unto her as she has done to you? Do you find yourself wishing you could hurt them all the way you were hurt when you were young—specifically with this power?’

Answering that question felt so vulnerable, I almost slammed my mind shut to him. There was a moment we faced each other in the link—my hand gripping the door, ready to swing it closed, while my dragon stood on its other side, staring at me with those fathomless eyes…

I battled, slowly swinging that barrier between us half-closed. Then shook my head at myself and eased it open again.