Page 88 of After the Abduction

“The day she left. I told her everything and asked her to marry me. She said she would. But when we began to discuss her family—” He broke off, his gut twisting as he remembered. “She demanded that I go to Knighton with the truth. I explained that I couldn’t risk Knighton’s interference, that I had to wait until Morgan returned before I could reveal all. Then she told me some nonsense about not wanting to start our marriage with a lie. She said she’d marry me only after I came clean. Then she and the Knightons headed off for London.”

With a sigh, his uncle took a seat at the nearby table. “I suppose it makes sense that she would react that way—given her past and her relationship with her family.”

Sebastian’s gaze shot to Uncle Lew. “What do you mean?”

“Come now, my boy. You have seen how they treat her—like a child who must be protected for fear she will blunder again. The poor girl lived in the shadow of her older sisters all her life, and then she did something that forever cemented their opinion of her. Finally, she has the chance to prove that her behavior wasn’t so awful, was even understandable, and you tell her that she can’t. You offered her marriage, but refused to take her side with her family. How did you expect her to react?”

He hadn’t looked at it like that. “You think I was wrong to refuse her demands.”

“Not at all. You were being cautious. And with matters as they are, caution is warranted. I am merely pointing out how she probably saw it.” His uncle drew out his snuffbox. “How do you know she will not tell her family herself?”

He stared off into the woods, but saw only eyes that glinted amber and green, regarding him with understanding and ready forgiveness. Until he’d gone and spoiled everything. “She promised she wouldn’t, said it was my place to do it. I trust her to keep her word.”

“She must care a great deal for you if she is willing to shield you from them.”

“Yes, a great deal,” he said sarcastically. “That’s why she hied herself off to London instead of marrying me.”

His uncle dipped some snuff. “If you do not mind me asking, what did you tell her when you proposed?”

He shrugged. “That I wanted to marry her, that I was attracted to her. That I thought she’d make me a very good wife.”

“No doubt she positively swooned at that.” Uncle Lew sniffed a pinch of snuff. “Didn’t you tell her you love her?”

Sebastian stiffened. There was that blasted word again. “Love has nothing to do with it. You know what I think about that reckless emotion, and so does she. We talked about it, and she accepted that I…have no interest in love. That is, until I refused to bare my soul for her vengeance-mad family.”

“No woman likes to hear that the man she cares for doesn’t love her.”

“Well, she’ll never hear otherwise.” He tightened his grip on the pistol. “Especially since she’s only using such talk to make me come to heel. I shall not run after a dream of love like my mother. And I won’t follow in Father’s footsteps, either.”

“Too late for that.” Uncle Lew eyed Sebastian speculatively. “You’re already more like your father than you realize.”

With a snort, Sebastian sighted down his gun. “That’s absurd. He was a rake who fell in love indiscriminately, and I’m nearly a monk.”

“Ah, my dear boy, what your father felt had nothing to do with love, no matter what he called it. It was infatuation, pure and simple, a childish emotion that disappeared whenever his dalliances became serious. I doubt he was ever in love. He feared it too much to experience it. As do you.”

He lowered the pistol to stare at his uncle. “What the devil are you talking about? I don’t fear a deuced thing.”

“Oh yes, you do. That’s why you avoid it. Your father avoided love by immersing himself in meaningless passionate encounters. You avoid love—or have until now—by eschewing passionate encounters altogether. But in the end, you both miss experiencing the one emotion that makes life worth living.”

The ring of truth in his uncle’s words made him lash out. “Did having love make your life worth living? Even after the one you loved left you behind to mourn her for the rest of your life?”

He regretted the cruel words almost as soon as he said them, especially when pain flashed briefly in his uncle’s eyes. But then it was gone and Uncle Lew smiled. “If I had been given the choice of one day with your aunt or a lifetime without her, I would have gladly chosen the one day with her.”

The radiant adoration in his uncle’s face roused an aching envy in Sebastian’s chest. Envy? That was absurd. Why would he want such an all-encompassing emotion dictating his actions to him? Something he wasn’t even sure he understood? And he certainly didn’t fear it. His uncle was wrong. Completely wrong.

Uncle Lew sighed. “What I am trying to say is do not let your pride—or fear of losing control—stand in the way of love. Both are cold comfort when a man is alone. So think carefully before you refuse love when it is offered. Because no one knows better than I that a true, abiding love does not come along very often in a man’s life.”

The side door to the house suddenly opened, and Simpkins stepped outside. “My lord? The carriage is ready.”

“Thank you, Simpkins. I’ll be there shortly.” Lifting the pistol again, Sebastian fired into the target and hit dead on. This one would do very nicely. He cleaned the gun swiftly, then set it in the dueling case.

“So you’re off to London then,” his uncle said, a tinge of alarm in his voice.

“Yes.”

“Do you intend to meet Lady Juliet’s demand?”

“Of course not. Nothing has changed. I cannot risk having Knighton muck up my negotiations for Morgan.”