Page 82 of The Lockdown Mann

“Are you giving me shit for being a good host?” He shoots a glance at T. “I mean…shoot?”

Tiana and I chuckle. “It’s okay,” she says. “I’ve heard worse. Bye, Des. Thanks for letting us hang out with you.” I swear it feels like my heart stops when she walks over and gives him a hug. Des makes eye contact with me while hugging her before his lips spread into the widest fucking smile.

It makes my thoughts spin. I love seeing them like this. I want Des to be part of Tiana’s life, especially if we’re going to be something real, but then the heavy weight of guilt is there too. I shouldn’t be bringing someone I’m dating into her life this soon. Serena doesn’t even know about him. What is T going to think when she finds out about Des and me? Will she think he’s the reason her mom and I aren’t together anymore? That we’ve been something longer than we have been?

“See you later, kid. Thanks for hanging out with me.” He pats her on the back.

“Bye!” Tiana jogs over to the SUV and climbs into the passenger seat. I look at Des over the car. He gives me a small nod, which I know is his telling me he understands what I’m feeling, even though I don’t understand all the things I’m feeling, before I get in and we drive away.

We have a good afternoon and evening with Sanaa and Evander, then head home. Just as I close Tiana’s bedroom door after telling her goodnight, my phone alerts me that I got a text.

Des: Let’s go to the beach tomorrow morning. We don’t have much time before I have practice, but we can watch the sun come up. There’s a spot I found where the beach is basically empty. No one goes.

My brain is immediately filled with thoughts of our two weeks together, being in the ocean with Des, walking on the sand with him, reliving those moments we had eleven years ago.

Me: What if someone sees us?

I wince as soon as I ask the question. I’m allowed to spend time with him. I don’t want to hide Des. He deserves better than that.

Des: We’re friends, Oak. Can’t friends go to the beach?

Me: You’re right. I’m sorry. I let myself continue the text, following what I really want and not what I think I’m supposed to do, or what I’m afraid to do. We deserve this. Yeah, I want to go. I hit send.

Des: I’ve spent eleven years wanting to kiss you on a beach again. If I find a moment when we’re alone, can I do it?

This answer comes easily, because I crave the same thing he does.

Me: Yes.

I slide my phone back into my pocket, then go downstairs. Serena is sitting on the couch, typing on her cell, when I come into the room.

“Hey, you,” she says when I sit beside her.

“Hey.”

“You guys have fun with Desmond today?”

I bite back my smile. “We did. He’s good with kids, but he’s still getting used to the whole hanging out with kids thing. He bought so much food for her, a hundred different drinks and shit like that.”

“That’s sweet,” Ree replies. “You guys have been hanging out a lot.”

I try to figure out how to say some of what I want to say without giving her all the details yet. I don’t know why I don’t, why I can’t just tell her that it’s Des I’m interested in, Des that I kissed when we were broken up. That I’m bisexual and I’m in a relationship with another man. I don’t want to be another Kane to him. “He’s a good friend. I’m glad we reconnected. I missed him.”

She doesn’t answer right away, but then says, “I’m glad you have him.”

“Thanks, Ree. I know it didn’t work out between us, but we’re going to make this work.”

“Damn right we are.” She puts her hand on my thigh. “We should get through this season and then tell them. Tiana first, then Mom and Dad. We can’t keep this quiet forever. Neither of us will ever really be able to move on that way.”

I close my eyes when she drops her head against my shoulder. “It’s weird. I know you’re not in love with me and that I’m not in love with you. We probably should have broken up a long time ago. It’s scary, though, making it all real in that way. Moving out. Leaving T and—”

“You’re not leaving Tiana. Don’t look at it that way. You’re not your mom. Oakley, you’re the best dad I know. There’s not a damn thing in this world you wouldn’t do for our little girl. I understand how you’re feeling because I feel it too, but we’re doing the right thing, and you will always be just as involved in Tiana’s life as you are now.”

“Do you think she’ll be mad at me?” I ask, so fucking afraid of that.

“No, Oak. She won’t. It will take some adjusting for all of us, but Tiana is a smart, strong kid with so much damn support. She’ll be okay. We’ll all be okay.”

I nod, hoping she’s right, not wanting to do anything to mess up my relationship with my daughter.