Page 63 of The Lockdown Mann

Leave it to Desmond to understand, even if it’s not something he’s ever experienced. It’s hard for me to understand how he’s never found someone to be serious about, but then, I guess that’s just because Des doesn’t want anything serious. Has he left a trail of broken hearts behind? “I can’t pretend it wasn’t different. There was some guilt there, like I did something wrong, even though I didn’t.”

“Shit. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? It’s not your fault. I told you, I’m glad it was you, and I am. I couldn’t do this with anyone else, and even though it’s bound to bring up some shit, that’s not because I regret it, or because I shouldn’t be doing it.” I pause for a moment before letting myself admit something I’m not sure I should say. “I know this isn’t serious. I know it’s never going to be something serious, but I think I need it.”

I wait for Des to reply—five seconds, then ten, thirty. Each one seems to move slower, making me wonder if I said something wrong, if my admission is going to push him away, but then he finally says, “Glad I can be what you need, Oak. I’ll always do that.”

“We’re taking Sanaa to a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. That’s why I can’t see you.”

“I’m sorry. Is there anything you need from me?”

My heart feels like it grows too big for a moment, like it’s pumping too much blood before it shrinks down to normal size again. “No, but thank you. That means a lot to me.”

“We’re friends.”

“Yeah,” I reply. “We are.” And then I say something I didn’t plan to say, something I’m not even sure I should say. Maybe it will scare Des away, or maybe it’s just a fucked-up thing to do at all, considering I spent the evening with my dick in his ass and the world thinks I’m in a relationship with someone else, but I ask, “Do you want to go to T’s game tomorrow? Is that awkward to ask? Everyone there still thinks I’m with Ree except me and her, but I think T would like it, and—”

“Yeah,” he says before I can finish. “That’d be badass. I’m sure she’ll like having a professional football player there too.”

“Fuck off. She’s got me.”

“Yeah, but you’re her dad, and you suck.”

We both laugh, and my body relaxes. I didn’t even realize I’d been strung tight until I wasn’t anymore. “If I remember correctly, you do too.”

“Oh, look at you. Who taught you how to flirt? You better be careful, or I might get a crush on you.”

I scoff. As if that would ever happen. “I’ll text you the information for T’s game tomorrow. Just remember that—”

“I understand the score here, Oak. No one will know we’re fucking around. I know how to be someone’s secret.”

He knows how to be someone’s secret. What in the hell is that supposed to mean?

“Des,” I say.

“I gotta go. I need to make sure I get up in time to go get Tiana an Inferno shirt before I see you guys…or maybe a hat. I can always go with a shirt and hat, both. Wait. Have you seen the Inferno sweats? They’re fire. A whole hell of a lot better than the Pulse’s.”

“Ha-ha.” I roll my eyes at him, but it’s hard to hide my smile. I better figure out how to shut that shit down. All I need is to be walking around with a goofy-ass smile on my face when he’s with my family.

Fuck. Desmond is going to be with my family tomorrow…with me and Ree. With Sanaa and Evander. With my daughter, who still believes her parents are happy and together, and whose whole world will come crashing down when she realizes we aren’t.

What have I done?

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Oakley

I take Tiana to school like I do every Tuesday morning, but today, Ree goes with me. We tell her goodbye, and she jumps out of the car, excited to start her day.

We’re heading to Sanaa and Evander’s place, where the four of us will go to her appointment together. I want to be as involved as I can be, or at least to the extent Ree wants me involved, because no matter what, she knows I’ll always be there to support her. “How you feeling?” I ask.

“I mean, nervous, but trying not to be. We know her diagnosis, but that doesn’t mean we know how it will progress. We don’t know what the future will hold. I really just hope we don’t get any surprises, and I’d like to get some more information on some of those experimental trials.”

“Yeah, I agree. Whatever we need to do to make that happen, you know I’ll do my best.”

I feel her smile before she reaches over and squeezes my arm. “Thanks, Oak. There’s not a doubt in my mind that you would. I’m glad it’s like this between us. That even though we’re not in love with each other, we’ll still always be family.”

“Always,” I assure her, then wonder if now is a good time to tell her Desmond is going to the game today. “Remember how I told you Desmond was at Hunter and Lucas’s that day me and T went over?”