Page 56 of The Lockdown Mann

“Baby…” My mama cocks her head at me. “You know we don’t care who you love, as long as they’re a good person and love you the way you deserve. That’s all I want for you, and why I keep bringing it up. You have so much love to give, and I just want you to get that in return. I want you to be happy.”

But what if I’m not the man people love in return? What if I’m the one who’s just there for a good time and not someone people love out loud? Kane didn’t. He told me he loved me. I thought he loved me. But ultimately, I wasn’t enough for him. He wanted me behind closed doors, but when it came to loving out in the open, he chose someone else.

Fuck. I have no idea why my thoughts are going there right now, and I do my best to shut them down. “I am happy,” I stress, and ultimately, it’s true. Does my life feel empty sometimes? Yeah. There’s no denying that, but I am happy. “I just got traded,” I continue. “I’m getting settled in L.A. The last thing I’m looking for is a relationship right now.” Which, again, is true. Ever since Kane, I haven’t thought twice about settling down, and I sure as shit didn’t have that in my Los Angeles plan, so I don’t know why it’s popping into my head now.

“Okay,” Mama says.

“And just to reiterate, we don’t care who you love, Des. I hope you never felt like you couldn’t tell us that.” My dad pushes his glasses up his nose, the look in his eyes kind and steady, like always. That’s something I can say about both my parents: they’re even, steady, and that never falters.

“I didn’t. I just never had a reason to.” Before Mama can ask, I add, “I don’t have a reason to now, either. I just wanted you to know.”

“Thank you for sharing that with us.” Mama blows a kiss at the phone for me. The three of us talk for a few more minutes before I end the call.

I head outside, my body aching from the game yesterday and then practice today as I fall into one of the outside chairs.

When Kane and I were together, I wanted to tell my parents about him. Not at the beginning. It was too new, and we hadn’t started out planning to be in a relationship. But when I realized what he meant to me, when I told him I loved him, and he said he loved me too, I’d wanted to tell my folks. We could trust them. It’s not as if they would have told anyone. Our secret would have been safe with them, but Kane wouldn’t let me.

He wouldn’t tell his folks about me either, wouldn’t even visit as a friend or let me do the same. When he went to see his family, he always brought his actual best friend…the one he was in a relationship with and publicly out with within a couple months of us breaking up.

Jesus, the last thing I want is to have Kane on my mind right now. When my phone buzzes, I turn it over to see who’s messaging, and Oakley’s name is there. I don’t even try to bite back my grin, answering the call and then lifting the cell to my ear. “Missed me, huh?” I say.

“Nah, but I figured you were probably lonely and missing me.”

He’s more dead-on than he probably realizes, but there’s no way I’m going to let him know that. “If you want me to miss you, I can pretend,” I tease.

“Fuck off,” he counters, but I can hear the laughter in his voice. That’s always been hard for Oak to hide, at least from me. I wonder if he realizes that—how much his joy shows through when he’s feeling it.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing. I just have an unexpected couple of hours to myself. I thought maybe…”

“Yes,” I say when he doesn’t finish. I don’t need him to. Whatever Oakley is able to give, I’m going to take.

“Yeah?” he asks.

“Shut the fuck up and get over here.”

“I’ll be right there.”

“I’m going to get into the shower. I’ll text you the code for the front door so you can just come in.”

He pauses for a moment, then says, “Okay. See you soon, Des.”

Something about the way he says it sounds funny, different, but I ignore it. I’m sure I’m imagining it anyway. I don’t know how what I just said would make him feel some kind of way.

I end the call first, then go inside and head upstairs. I pull some clothes out, then go into the bathroom, clean up my beard, and strip before turning the water on in the shower and getting in.

I let the water beat down on my skin, massaging my sore muscles.

When I hear a sound in the room with me, my head snaps up, and I see Oakley standing in the bathroom staring at me.

“You weren’t at home when you called,” I say. There’s no way he got here that quickly.

“No. I pulled over to call.”

I grin, and he smiles back at me, just the glass and a few feet separating us.

I run my hand down my body, stroke my dick a few times, and hear his sharp inhalation. It makes a shiver run down my spine. I love seeing Oakley turned on, love the expressions he makes when he’s being pleasured…or when he’s pleasuring someone else. It’s a sort of rush I’ve never had with sex before, and one I want to keep exploring. I want to keep figuring out the different sounds he makes and each and every look on his face.