Page 87 of Blinding Lights

Beckett visibly swallows as his soulful green eyes lock with mine, the depth of them a window to his years of pain, highlighting that this moment goes beyond me. And I’ve got to tread carefully. He’s quiet for a beat before his broken voice comes out in a whisper. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

I tentatively move closer, but don’t reach out. “Why don’t you start with why you came?” I suggest, unable to hide the concern in my tone. “Forget about the photos and the article. Let’s take it one step at a time.”

“I wish it was that easy.” He laughs without feeling. “I can’t forget.”

“Then pretend. Pretend I opened the door five minutes earlier than I did.”

My heart beats rapidly in my chest as Beckett’s brows furrow and silence surrounds us again. I’m just about to give up and try another tack when he nods a few times and speaks.

“I came to tell you that I’ve been lying to myself. Pretending, as it may be, that I’m okay with how things ended between us. But the truth is, I’m not okay. I’m also not okay being here right now. I thought I was. I was wrong.”

His eyes flash to the door as though he’s planning his escape, and I close the space between us. “Please don’t go,” I beg, my voice barely above a whisper. “Let me help.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

BECKETT

Lily’s broken expression tattoos my mind as my vision blurs and a choking sound bubbles from inside me, my fears screaming to come out. I try to suck in a breath, but the pressure in my chest burns, making me wince. “Fuck. Sorry.” My voice catches as I speak, and I turn away as darkness threatens to drown me.

She wants to help me. But the only way to help is to let me go. To let me protect her. I can’t do this to her. To Ava.

My breathing quickens as I force myself to focus on the door. It’s only a few steps away. I can’t be the reason they suffer.

Pain radiates through my head, and I slam my hands against my temples, shaking as I try to move.

I’ve barely taken a step when Lily’s arms wrap around my waist, stilling me as she flattens her palms on my chest, jolting me out of whatever the fuck is going on. My focus returns as she rests her head against my back and glides her hands toward my heart, the warmth of her touch hitting me through my sweatshirt.

“You don’t have to talk anymore. Just breathe. I’m here, Beckett. I’m here.”

Her whispered words of comfort manage to do what my rapid breaths couldn’t, and my racing heart slows. It takes a few seconds for my body and mind to align again, but as soon as they do, I rest my hands over hers, intertwining our fingers as I sigh, dropping my head in defeat.

In the silence, she gives me more support than I ever thought I needed, and I find the strength to turn around, to let her see a side of me I’ve never shown before. My eyes well with tears as they lock with hers, and I’m floored by the blinding love that’s staring back at me.

I reel her back into me, crushing her against my body, holding on for dear life as she rubs circles over my back.

A million thoughts race through my mind, but the weight of my troubles lightens in her hold.

I’m not sure how much time passes, but when I eventually pull away, Lily blinks a few times, the hint of her own tears wetting her eyes.

“Thank you.” Clutching her face in my hands, I rest my forehead to hers, letting my eyes fall closed. “Thank you.” I lightly brush her nose with mine, then open my eyes again as I stand tall. “I don’t know how you do it, but you settle my mind more than anything ever has.”

“I didn’t do much.” She shrugs, shying away like it’s no big deal. But it is. And I’ll never be able to convey how much it means to me.

“You did everything, Lily. I can breathe because of you.”

Lily stills as her breath catches, and I almost laugh at having the opposite effect on her. She opens her mouth to speak but shakes her head, closing it again.

“What were you going to say?”

“Nothing.”

“Please.”

“What happened?” She winces as the question leaves her mouth but she shouldn’t worry. I knew it was coming.

“I saw the photo of Mom and the one of you and Henley, and I panicked.”

“But you’re okay now?”