Page 88 of Take Me Home

Hattie came to Montana seeking her birth father, hoping to build a relationship with him. And she succeeded—the way she always seems to. Hank and Otto are enamored with her—as am I.

My pickup bumps down the gravel road between Whispering Pines and my family’s farm, then past our farmhouse and beyond. Until we finally arrive at my favorite spot, the place I shared with Hattie before. In my heart, this will always be our spot now.

I park in the middle of the pasture, facing the mountains. This time, I didn’t bring any blankets or pillows…no romantic sentiments. Just two of Poppy’s homemade cinnamon rolls, coffee in a thermos, and an aching heart.

Turning the engine off, I grab the old thermos my dad once used every day and pour us both a cup of coffee into the travel mugs I packed.

Hattie takes hers, tipping her chin in thanks. “You’re awfully quiet this morning.”

“The coffee should wake me up,” I say, tapping my cup to hers.

She sips the coffee, her eyes widening as she swallows and then splutters. “Did you add any water to the coffee grounds?”

I huff a laugh. “I like it strong.”

Coffee isn’t the only thing I like strong, though…I like my women strong and fiery. I like Hattie strong and fiery.

Hattie places her coffee on the dash, propping an elbow on the back of the seat and toying with a strand of her red hair. “So, um, we missed you during the last hour of the rodeo last night.” She rolls her lips together. “I missed you.”

Unable to stop myself, I bring a hand up to cup her pretty face. “I’m sorry for leaving early…” I pause, resting my mug beside Hattie’s so I can focus all my attention on her. “I just had a lot on my mind, I guess.”

Hattie lays her hand over mine. “Yeah? I wish you’d talk to me about it.”

I hold her gaze for a long moment, deciding if I should just get everything out right now. I’d hoped we could enjoy breakfast first, but maybe it’s cruel to drag this out.

“You’re leaving tonight, Princess.”

She sighs, leaning into my palm. “I am. But we can FaceTime, and text…and of course, we can visit each other as often as possible.”

“Hattie,” I start, and her expression falls.

I almost explain to her how terrified I am to get on a plane. I nearly admit the panic that wracks my body when an aircraft zooms overhead, or even when I drove to the airport to pick her up that first day. But she’d just offer to do all the traveling, she’d make all the sacrifices. While I sit nursing my fear of air travel. And I’d be no better than her mother. It’s ingrained in Hattie to appease the people she loves to get their affection in return—even if it goes against what she truly wants. I won’t let her do that, not for me, not for anyone. She deserves the chance to build her own life exactly how she wants, where she wants.

With no expectations or pressure from me.

So, instead, I say the words that will hurt her, the words that will end us. “Your life is back in California. And mine is here.”

She pulls back, putting distance between us. “You don’t even want to try? You’re just going to give up that easily?”

I drag a hand down my face. The tears in her eyes break me down, so I give her half of the truth. “You’re under so much pressure—deciding what you want to do with your career, where you’d like to live, building a relationship with Hank…and you need the time and space to think about what you really want. You’ve never had the chance to choose something for yourself, to choose your own path.” I breathe out a shaky breath. “I won’t be another person pressuring you to give up what you want, to put my needs and desires over your own.”

Hattie directs all that fire that I adore…at me. Not in a passionate way, though. She’s angry. She’s fuming. She’s hurt. And I hate myself for hurting her.

“I want to make this work, Lincoln. I want you. I want us. If I want it, no one’s pressuring me.” She shakes her head, causing her hair to fall over her shoulder. “This isn’t about me having space to get my life together; it’s about your fear. You’re being a coward. You’re too scared of getting hurt to even try,” she scoffs.

My shoulders tense, her words hitting their mark. She has no clue how right she is, that a huge part of this is my own damn fear. The anxiety I can’t seem to shake. She’s exactly right; I am taking the cowardly way out.

Hattie stares straight into my eyes, always fearless. Tears muddle the color of her green eyes, causing emotion to well up inside me. I choke back a sob of my own.

“I thought we had something special, like a once in a lifetime thing.”

Squeezing my eyes shut, I allow her words to wash over me. We do have something special. I’ve never felt this strongly about anyone—not by a long shot. But I can’t voice that, or she’ll sacrifice her own will to make this work.

“I can’t risk us getting too far into this and the distance growing too difficult.” I hang my head. “Hattie, if this jeopardized your relationship with Hank, he’d be devastated.”

“We’re adults, Lincoln.” She throws her hands up in frustration. “I missed twenty-five years with Hank…do you honestly think I’d avoid my own dad because his grumpy asshole farrier hurt my feelings?”

I deserve her ire, so I don’t speak.