Page 26 of Entangled With You

“You get scared?”

“Aye. Sometimes. Mostly for ye. I am scared I winna be able tae keep ye safe.”

We looked long into each other’s eyes. I fiddled with his hair and took a deep breath. “So yeah, on second thought, we need to order some Flex Seal. Can you get me my purse from the counter?”

Magnus retrieved my bag from its spot beside the stack of books on childbirth. “I’m going to teach you how to drunk-order products we don’t need.”

I called the number on the screen and ordered two rolls of Flex Seal tape.

“Who are ye callin’ for it?”

I pressed my hand to the bottom of my phone. “It’s a lady somewhere in the Midwest, she’s taking my order, then asking for my credit card number. Someone in a warehouse will put it in a box and mail it to me.”

Magnus shrugged, “Och, so much.”

While I was ordering it, I changed the channel. There was a commercial for an upside-down tomato plant grower-thingy. “Want one of those, Highlander?”

He watched for a moment. “Tis a plant that grows upside down? Aye, tis magical.”

I dialed that number too. While I had that service rep on the line I changed the channel again. A man was selling chamois rags. I gestured toward the screen and Magnus smiled. “Och aye, ye see what it can do?”

“I do and it’s only two payments of $19.95.”

“I have nae idea if tis good.”

“Trust me, it can clean that mess? It’s good.” I changed the channel while I gave that service rep my credit card number and found an elderly woman selling copper-bottom square pans.

“Order that one for Chef Zach,” Magnus said.

I giggled. “Oh yeah, he’ll love it.” He would hate it. His pans were special, awesome, chef pans, definitely not infomercial pans.

Finally we came to a channel where a man was selling knives by cutting through tomatoes.

I said, “I don’t know if it’s because I’m drunk, but he looks drunk.” He spun his knives and tossed something in the air and sliced through it but looked a little slurry while doing it.

“Aye, he’s had a nip of the whisky before he came intae the tv.”

I giggled. “Do you think he’s inside the tv?”

Magnus laughed. “Tis the only explanation.”

“Yeah, I guess so. Should I order the knives?”

“Aye, the man has almost chopped off a finger, perhaps if we order the knives he will climb out of the tv and go home tae bed.”

I called the number, ordered the knives, gave her my credit card number, and Hayley’s address and hung up the phone.

“I love you, Magnus.”

“I love you too, mo reul-iuil.”

“That helped a lot. I’m almost tired enough for sleep. But there’s one more thing to watch.” I switched from the television channels to YouTube and searched: funny cat videos. I found a twenty minute compilation. “Settle in, Scottish Highlander, I’m going to introduce you to the best my culture has to offer.”

A minute later we were both laughing. A few minutes past that sleep was on me, pulling me down, knocking me out.

I do remember this: the strong arms of Magnus lifting me from the couch, carrying me to our bed.

12 - KAITLYN