Page 38 of Don’t Look Back

The second Ryan’s hips came down on top of mine, my thoughts stopped being my own. Pure, unabashed lust ran the show. Ryan kissed a path down my body: my cheek, my ear, down my neck and my chest. Though once he hit my stomach, I scrabbled at his shoulders. “Stop!” I shouted, shocking us both. Ryan leapt off the bed and I bolted upright, grasping at my throat. I couldn’t breathe. My lungs burned, beginning to ache with each failed attempt. Ryan scrambled back into his clothes, handing me a cold bottle of water. “It’s okay, just breathe.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

“Jason, are you alright?”

I jolted, toothpaste dripping out of the side of my mouth. I hadn’t realized I’d zoned out, much less that Ryan was awake.

I rinsed and dried my mouth, pulling the door open. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m sorry.”

“I wish you’d stop apologizing.” Ryan danced on the spot, a wry smile on his face.

As he darted around me into the now empty bathroom, I resisted the urge to apologize again. Guilt stabbed at my chest. I’d spent hours last night building up to something that didn’t even happen. I freaked, and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why. Even as I sat there mulling over it, I wished I hadn’t chickened out. Ryan’s hands, his lips on my skin had felt good. My body was ready, so why wasn’t my brain?

Both empty beds taunted me, blankets in disarray. I hadn’t even realized that Ryan slept in the other bed until I woke up. I didn’t even remember falling asleep.

The bathroom door startled me, and Ryan tiptoed into the room. I could practically feel his desire to touch me, to comfort me—and I desperately wanted that, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Tension lingered in the air as we dressed for the day and when he gingerly touched my lower back to skirt past me, I couldn’t take it anymore.

Grabbing that hand, I tugged him close and leaned down for a tender kiss. “I’m really sorry,” I whispered.

He dropped his t-shirt and splayed his fingers across my ribcage. “Stop, Jason. You have nothing to apologize for.”

I flopped onto the bed, dropping my head in my hands. “I led you on.”

“No, you didn’t.” Seeing that I wasn’t going to do it, Ryan knocked my legs apart to make room for himself. He cupped my neck in his hands, redirecting my attention. “You got scared, baby. It’s normal.”

My heart leapt into my throat. I hadn’t known that was something I needed to hear. “Say that again?”

Ryan ran his hands through my hair. “It’s normal,” he repeated.

“Before that.”

Realization had a smile curling his lips. “Baby?”

My heart fluttered. “I like the sound of that.”

“I’ll say it anytime you want me to, amor.”

“Mm, I like that one even better.”

Feeling better, I tugged Ryan closer by my hands on his waist. He leaned over, giving me a kiss that was way too short. I pathetically whimpered as he pulled away.

“We’re going to be late,” he said, picking up his discarded T-shirt.

“Late for what?”

“It won’t do you any good to sit around this room and think about sex, so I booked a surprise for you. Now get dressed, baby.” He smacked me with said T-shirt. “We’re leaving in ten minutes.”

As I drove, Ryan twisted his phone away every time I tried to peek at the navigation. “You really don’t do well with surprises, do you?”

“No, I don’t,” I said, attempting to pull him closer. “You could have me driving right into the Atlantic.”

“You’ll just have to trust me then, won’t you?” Tipping his head back, Ryan pressed lips to my stubbly jaw that I hadn’t shaved in a few days. “God, I love the scruffy look.”

I coughed against the butterflies. Damn, it only took a few words for him to get me going.

“Just over here,” he directed with his hand.

I pulled into the parking lot of a community center, shooting Ryan a questioning look—but he was already out of the truck.