Page 39 of The Whole Package

*

When I came round, I was lying on an uncomfortable sofa, drenched in sweat. A strip light glared directly into my eyeballs. I groaned and turned my head.

Jamie was sitting on one of the hard plastic chairs the community centre had in bulk, watching me.

‘What happened?’ I croaked. ‘Did I have a seizure? Oh no – my finger!’ I gasped, bolting upright. My finger was wrapped in a thick bandage that looked more like a jumbo-sized tampon. Unused, luckily.

‘You fainted,’ Jamie said casually.

‘But my finger. Oh my God, the bleeding. It was terrible. Is it OK? Fuck, my nails!’ The memory of blood trickling down the chopping board came flooding back.

‘Aye,’ he sighed. ‘Look, I’m sorry, Harri. But you lost it. There was nothing we could do . . .’

The room tilted again. I felt the blood drain from my face.

‘But don’t worry,’ he added. ‘I replaced it with a carrot.’

I stared at him. ‘You’re so hilarious. Do you realise that?’ I snapped, giving my finger a quick inspection to confirm it hadn’t been replaced with a root vegetable.

‘Thanks,’ Jamie replied, smiling as if it were a genuine compliment.

My hands were still shaking. ‘Where’s my mum?’ I asked, glancing around. We were in one of the cramped community centre offices.

‘Finishing the soup,’ he said. ‘And before you ask, yes, I’m the official first aider in this . . .’ he gestured around, ‘manky soup kitchen.’

I paused. Right. Because I’d called it that last night in the pub.

‘Oh, so you’re pissed off about that. I’m sorry, but that’s exactly what it is,’ I said, shrugging. ‘Would you prefer I pretend it’s fucking Michelin-star dining?’ I pulled a sarcastically posh face, then let out a laugh.

Jamie’s chair scraped loudly as he pushed it back. ‘What the fuck is your problem, Harri?’

‘My problem?’ I gasped. ‘What’s your fucking problem, Jamie? I come here, and suddenly you’re everywhere. Giving me advice, telling me to go home, then turning up at my parents’ house uninvited. Who actually does that?’

He looked genuinely baffled. ‘Who does that? Are you serious? Everyone, Harri! That’s what people do. That’s what we do here in the scheme – we look out for each other.’ He shook his head, frustration flashing across his face. ‘I know you’ve not been here for years, but you’ve come back acting like you’re above the place. Looking down your nose at every single cunt here.’

I stood up too fast and immediately regretted it. The room spun. I waited until my vision stopped doing somersaults, then headed for the door.

‘I don’t look down my nose at you, Jamie,’ I said, pulling the door open. ‘I feel sorry for you.’

He went completely still.

‘You’re stuck here. Like I was. But at least I actually did something about it.’

The door slammed shut. I turned. Jamie was right behind me, one arm braced against the door above my head. Too close. Way too close. Why was he such a space invader? I could feel his minty breath on my skin, the scent of his stupid aftershave lingering in the small space between us.

Probably Davidoff’s Cool Water.

‘And how’s that working out for you, Harri?’ he said quietly. His voice had dropped an octave. ‘Because from where I’m standing, you look more miserable than half the folk who come here every night just to get fed.’ My stomach twisted. ‘You lie about in your mum’s house all day, then go out drinking with Claire and Joe Ferguson, and you call that what, exactly?’ He held his hands up. ‘Success?’

He pulled away from the door and took a step back.

‘I won’t interfere anymore,’ he said. Then he looked straight at me. ‘But for the record? I’m the one who feels sorry for you.’ He shrugged. ‘I’m doing just fine, doll.’

I yanked the door open, fury rattling through every bone in my body. Who the fuck did he think he was? I stormed out of the community centre absolutely livid. Freezing cold rain immediately battered my face.

‘Fuck,’ I muttered.

To my right, a massive queue snaked around the building. Everyone stood soaked to the bone while kids jumped in puddles like it was the best day of their lives. Further down the line, older men and women handed out plastic cups of tea. There were so many people.