Page 127 of To Know Miss May

With a racing heart, she returned home, not opening the correspondence until she reached the safety of her room.

She tried to quell her aching heart as she saw the masculine script across the paper, longing to see the man behind the missive as she read and reread his message.

Livvy,

I have started and restarted this letter countless times, wondering what could be said to ye to express how I’ve felt without ye these few days past. But each time, words fail me.

There is nothing I can say to express how I miss ye. How I long for your smile to brighten me days again. How I yearn for your conversation about books and weather and favorites lists.

But I know such a thing is not possible when so much has been unanswered between the two of us. I have spoken with my family about matters, and they have encouraged me to tell ye the truth.

So, dearest Livvy, I shall do so, if ye care to learn of it.

The matter with your father started out slowly. He requested my services to help ye find friends, which I accepted—albeit reluctantly—because I genuinely believed he loved ye and wished for ye to be happy. I also accepted because I was already planning on getting to know ye further. When I told him of your desire to remain on the Mount, and of my decision to do no more for him, that is when the threats began. That is when my shame multiplied.

Livvy continued reading, her mind reeling as August explained moment after moment what had occurred, how he felt disgusted with himself for weeks, how her father had coerced him into following his pressuring time and time again, though August had done his best to tell him no.

Tears flooded her eyes, unable to be contained as she cried at the memory of the sorrow written across August’s features at times when they were together. Now all of it made sense. His behavior, his conversations. All of it made perfect sense.

And yet, did that not make matters more difficult? Knowing August truly did have feelings for her, despite Father’s malicious workings?

She peered back down at the letter, continuing August’s words.

There ye have it. The truth of all matters I’ve been through in the last few weeks. I know ye cannot trust me, but I ask that ye know I’ve only ever done what I thought it best to do.

I know ye do not wish to see me. I know I’ve forfeited all right to call ye mine or to have your love in me life. But if ye can honor me request to see ye again, to allow me the chance to speak with ye one last time, I would forever be in your debt.

Forgive me, but I told your father how I felt about ye. I hope this did not make matters worse for ye, as it did for meself. Due to me words, he has forbidden me from speaking to ye again. But, me darling Livvy, I cannot bear the thought of not doing so.

Will ye allow me one final chance to speak with ye? To share with ye all I’ve wanted to share with ye since the moment I met ye? I will be waiting for ye on the west side of the Mount, beyond the sail repair loft and over the wall at midnight tonight. I pray ye will come. But if ye do not, I will take your absence to mean that ye no longer wish to see me, and I will respect your wishes.

Until then, I remain hopefully, faithfully yours,

August

Livvy stared at the ending.

Hopefully, faithfully yours

How she wished to call August hers. How she wished to be with him forevermore, wrapped up in his embrace, filled with his love for the rest of her days.

But it could never be.

Father had approached her the night before, asking if she’d fallen for August. Now she knew why.

“I be leavin’ the Mount, Father,” she’d responded. “No matter what feelin’s I did or did not ’ave for ’im.”

This had seemed to satisfy him, and he’d shifted instead to read the letter that had just arrived from his cousins.

She didn’t mind him ending the conversation swiftly. Since discovering his cruelty to August, Nicholas, and Emma, Livvy had found it difficult to speak with Father at all.

Yet another reason she was grateful to be leaving the Mount, even if it was sooner than she thought. Not only would she be able to leave the memory of Mother behind, but she would also be able to leave the ever-present knowledge of disappointing Father, as well.

Ye ne’er disappointed August.

The thought slipped through her mind before she had the chance to stop it. She didn’t know if she’d disappointed August or not. Would he have even told her if she had?

Closing her eyes, she prayed for clarity of mind. She needed to speak with him, to apologize for her father’s behavior—as she knew Father would not have done so in the slightest. She also needed to ensure that August would be secure in his job at the castle once she left.