Page 81 of Blood Code

I shoved the phone into my purse and reached for her leg, squeezing it gently. “It’s going to be okay.”

“I… I…” Her breath came in ragged gasps, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I need some fucking air. I can’t. I can’t⁠—”

“Pull over,” I demanded, knocking on the partition between us and the driver.

The driver obeyed, but before the car had fully stopped, Neeve threw open the door and scrambled out.

A scream ripped from her throat as she collapsed to her knees in a field of dandelions.

Of course, it was dandelions.

I was pretty sure they were stalking me like Severin used to. Because they were fucking everywhere.

Neeve screamed again, and I rested a gentle hand on her back.

Any comfort I could offer would have been a lie, so I said nothing.

It wouldn’t be okay.

I couldn’t take any of it back. I couldn’t fix any of this, and I would never be able to. So I just knelt beside her and pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry you had to watch that.”

It was my fault. I’d taunted Damon, and he'd retaliated by sending Severin a video of me, along with enough information to keep his hunt going.

“I’m sorry,” I said again. There was nothing else to say.

Neeve cried, her whole body rocking with the sobs, and I held her until she was ready to move.

Eventually, she sat cross-legged in the field, and I joined her, facing her with our knees touching and my hands resting on her thighs.

The contact was meant to ground her in the present, rather than let her slip back into her unrelenting nightmares.

After a long, long silence, I finally spoke.

“You know, I think I am a little selfish.” A raw, painful breath caught in my chest. “I spend so much time trying to save other girls and destroy the Order. So much time focused on my own trauma that I sometimes overlook what you went through.”

Neeve’s chin quivered, and she pressed her lips together to still it. “You get hyperfocused, Xenie, and I understand that.”

I shook my head. She was being far too easy on me. “The only difference between us is that you didn’t die.”

“Well, I think there are several differences between us.” Neeve tried to sound lighthearted, but her voice caught on the last word and she hiccuped.

“You know what I mean.”

Neeve nodded. “I do.”

“I’m sorry, Neeve.” I squeezed her leg again. “This is my fault. I taunted Damon, and he lashed out at you.”

She snorted. “I know. You tend to be the reason for a lot of things.”

I tilted my head, unsure what she meant.

“You saved my life.” Her eyes met mine. “Multiple times. You never let me kill myself afterward.” She swallowed hard. “You’ve been my rock for nine years.”

“And you’re mine.”

“I better be,” she said, wiggling an eyebrow. “I’m sorry for all the pressure I’ve been putting on you with the Embroiderer. I know it’s not fair.”

I pressed my bottom lip between my teeth and nodded.