Page 86 of The Christmas Competition

Nisa

HOLY CRAP. ANNA was Kerr’s mum, I just knew it. Everything fit, except that Kerr believed his mother was dead. However, I had a theory about that—​the same theory that might explain why James Junior had never answered Anna’s letters. I just knew in my bones that James Senior had intercepted her letters and falsely claimed to his son that Anna had died when she was alive and well in Glasgow the whole time, yearning for her son. That absolute bastard. It was a good job James Senior was dead, because otherwise I would have hunted him down and done the job myself.

The rest of the shift couldn’t go quickly enough, and it was times like this that I cursed my penchant for responsibility and couldn’t go marching out of there early to find Kerr. I was the charge nurse and we were short-​staffed, so I had to step up to cover until midafternoon, when someone was coming in early for the late shift to let me away from my long day.

I had tried to call Kerr on multiple occasions, and of course the one time I really did urgently need to speak to him, all I kept getting was his voicemail. But he should have finished at the farms by now, so I wasn’t sure what was up with his phone.

When I finally ran out of work and scrambled into my car, I kept Millicent right at the edge of an acceptable speed, desperate to get home ASAP. I had told Anna what I suspected, of course, and gained her permission to speak to Kerr about her. Her face had lit up like the Christmas tree in the town square, and she had asked if she could come with me, but I felt that was a step too far in my responsibility as her nurse. I had convinced her to stay put while I spoke to Kerr, and hopefully I would bring him back to see her.

In any case, I felt that turning up on Kerr’s doorstep with his long-​dead mother by my side might hit him over the head a little too hard, and a gentler discussion as a lead-in would be a better approach.

But there was no mistaking the anticipation and excitement thrumming through my veins at the thought that not only could I achieve my dream of reuniting my lovely patient with her long-​lost son, but I could also, impossibly, reunite the man I loved with the mother he thought dead. And show him that she hadn’t abandoned him—​not truly—​to boot.

I was practically fizzing with excitement when I got home, so much so that I pulled straight in to Kerr’s drive because I couldn’t even stand the delay of parking at my house. It was only once I got out and was ringing the bell that I realized the lack of Range Rover in the driveway would mean he wasn’t in. Shit. Where would he be? He had definitely told me yesterday that he had two farm jobs today and that was it; he’d be home at the usual time, if not a little earlier.

I pulled out my phone to call him again, but still got the voicemail.

Letting out a frustrated noise, I turned to leave, doing a double take. Was his door very slightly ajar? I gave it a gentle shove and it opened. “Hello?” I called inside as I stepped over the threshold. “Kerr?”

I walked into the house, but a quick look around indicated he wasn’t there. Confused as to why the front door had been left open, I checked the back door and found it locked. It was only as I walked back through the kitchen that I spotted a note sitting on the side. Realizing that it was his handwriting, I lifted it.

Gone to beach.

No need to come next week.

Kerr

I put the note back down, frowning. Who was the note for? I bit my lip trying to work it out as I headed for the front door. At least I knew where he was, hopefully. There was only one proper stretch of beach near us, down on the shore of the waters that came up from the sea, in between the outcrops of land on the west coast.

I got outside and climbed into Millicent. The water there would be pretty choppy today though, because the wind was up. Not a great day for a swim. Also, the swim group didn’t normally meet on weekday afternoons.

I worried my lip as I drove. Something felt off about the situation. I figured the note could be for Kerr’s cleaner. I was pretty sure this was the day she came, though normally by the time she got round to him he was home from work. That might explain the open door and the note mentioning that he’d gone to the beach. But what was he at the beach for this afternoon, especially when dusk was about to fall? And why would he tell the cleaner not to come next week?

The adrenaline that had been pumping all day, started by Drew’s unwelcome visit and Anna’s revelations, made a resurgence. Kerr had told me that his dad had washed up on the beach after going into the sea. That it might have been deliberate. That it would have been better if he’d left a note.

“Come on,” I told myself. “You’re jumping to ridiculous conclusions now.”

But still, my heart hammered as I took the country roads that led down to the coast. Something was definitely off about this situation. Kerr would have told me if he was planning on going out after work, because we normally met up for our daily debrief. But he wouldn’t have any reason to hurt himself, would he? He had seemed happy the previous day. We both had been—​happy and kind of . . . hopeful for the future. We hadn’t yet said it out loud, but I felt like we were on the same page. That we wanted to be together officially and forever. That we loved each other.

Nothing had changed. Except for Drew being a dick, that is. But Kerr hadn’t been around for that—

“Oh my God! You stupid idiot,” I told myself, smacking my palm onto my forehead. Of course he had been around, the man lived right across the street! He could easily have looked through the window at the wrong moment and seen Drew kiss me! But I had thrown him off right after. Hadn’t he seen that part?

I didn’t know. And I wouldn’t get answers until I found Kerr and, first and foremost, made sure he was okay. I glanced out the window at the trees blowing in the wind, sleet starting to come down, and pushed the accelerator.

By the time I arrived and parked near the beach, I was so beside myself it felt like I was climbing out of my own skin. I wished that I’d punched Drew in the face as soon as I’d seen that it was him on the doorstep. I wished I’d been braver and told Kerr yesterday that I loved him, that I’d never felt like this about anyone before, that he made me feel like no one ever had before. But I’d been too afraid of overwhelming him. Of being too much.

I scanned the sea, the wind buffeting me, trying to spot someone out on the water. But I couldn’t see anyone in the dusky light. It was a cold, windy weekday afternoon in December. Nobody in their right mind would be out there.

That thought made me even more concerned.

I headed out onto the beach, hurrying as much as I could against the wind and drawing my coat around me, still dressed in my scrubs underneath. I lifted a hand to my brow, trying to protect my eyes from the icy blasts of wind, my hair whipping around my face.

Then I spotted something over the crest of a wave; past the breakers there was a head bobbing on the surface. “Kerr!” I yelled, waving my arms, but my voice was immediately lost on the wind. I strained my neck to get a better look and it was definitely him, but no woolly hat. He always wore his hat when he was wild swimming.

Anxiety gripped my heart like a vice. I just didn’t know if he was out there for a swim, or if he had darker intentions. Then I couldn’t see him anymore, and the panic hit harder.

“Kerr!” I shouted, wading into the frigid water, my trainers filling with seawater and trousers clinging to my legs like icy cling film. “Kerr!”