Page 52 of Lonesome Moon

“That makes sense,” I said. “The ongoing gifts from childhood.”

“Has it really been four years since you visited your parents?” Luci asked.

“I decided after the last visit that I was done.”

“What happened?”

“I bought them a Caribbean cruise for a Christmas gift. Not well received.” My stomach twisted just thinking about my father’s reaction. Face red. Stammering. Ripping up the sheet of paper that had the details about the cruise. I’d been so excited to do something nice for them, especially my mom. But it had been a deeply miscalculated mistake. “My dad took it as an insult. As if I were saying he couldn’t afford to take my mother on vacation. He tore it up. Then walked out of the room. I’d not expected that reaction, obviously. Although, in hindsight, I should have. He’s a proud man who doesn’t think I have a real job. Giving them an expensive gift was complicated for him.”

“I’m sorry that happened.” She picked up my hand and kissed the palm. “No wonder you’re so hesitant to rock the boat.”

“Anytime I did, it was met with anger. Condemnation. My dad can make me ashamed faster than anyone on earth. It’s his super power. After that Christmas, I came back to Nashville and told Jack about it. He said something about how he and the others were my family now and that holidays should be spent with those who loved me. I don’t know that I’d ever felt as low in my life, and he just folded me in. Made me feel safe.”

She was quiet.

“I’m scared,” I said. “No matter what I do, I’m going to lose someone I love.”

“But Jack’s not like that.”

I studied the contents of my mug, trying to decide if I should tell her what happened after the Thanksgiving we’d spent together.

“If Jack asked you to spend holidays with his family, why haven’t you?” Luci asked.

“I did. Once.”

“Thanksgiving? Our Thanksgiving?”

“That’s right. After that, I knew I couldn’t be around you. Couldn’t sit across from you at the Christmas supper and not burn for you. That’s what it’s like for me, Luci. It’s this aching burn in my chest and the only remedy is you. And yet, that’s the thing I cannot have.” I paused for a moment. “After that Thanksgiving, Jack asked me if there was anything going on between you and me. He noticed how much time we’d spent together.”

“What did you tell him?”

“The truth. Sort of. I told him we were simply friends who enjoyed a lot of the same things. I didn’t tell him I’d already fallen for you.”

“What did Jack say?”

“He didn’t say much of anything. Just kind of nodded and said he knew he could trust me and that he shouldn’t have worried.”

She flinched. “Why haven’t you told me that before?”

“I didn’t want you to think badly of Jack. He’s only looking out for you,” I said.

“By trying to control who I date?”

“No one wants their sister to be with a drummer. Or a traveling musician. We have a bad rep.”

“You’re not like that,” Luci said.

“I’m not. You know me. This is me.”

“I do know you,” Luci said softly. “And I love you. Just as you are. You don’t have to perform any tricks.”

“When Jack told me you were dating a doctor, he seemed so happy. He even said something about maybe you’d finally found someone worthy of you.”

“Because he was a doctor?” Luci shook her head. “He was not a good person. Doesn’t matter if he was a garbage man or a doctor, he drinks too much and hits women.”

“I’m glad you got away from him. It would’ve killed me to see you with a guy like that.”

“I remember that night—after he did what he did—and I threatened to call the police if he didn’t leave—and all I could think about was you. Grant wouldn’t treat me this way. Grant would never lay a hand on me in anger. I should’ve been crying about the guy who’d just proven to me exactly who he was, but it was really about you. At the same time, I had to admit the truth to myself. You didn’t want me. You’d ditched me. Which made me all the sadder.”