Page 47 of Lonesome Moon

“Does Grant know how you feel?” my concerned mother asked.

After last night it was pretty obvious how I felt. And him.

“Mom, just drop it.”

“Luci Wilder, you’re the most stubborn creature on earth. Which one of you doesn’t want Jack to know? Or is it both of you?”

“It’s him.”

“That poor boy went through so much as a child. Jack and the others are his family. He doesn’t want to rock the boat.”

“Yeah.” I stared into my coffee cup. “He said Jack told all of them to stay away from me. Ten years ago.”

“That sounds like my son. He’s always been protective of you. Which is my fault. If I’d been around more, maybe he wouldn’t feel so much responsibility for you.”

“You had no choice. You had to work to take care of us.”

“I’ve always been too proud. We could’ve gotten assistance from the state but I refused. My father instilled that in me. No free lunches, is what he’d say. Looking back, though, I should’ve asked for more help.”

“Maybe. But you taught Jack and me about how to work hard. Without complaining. I don’t think I ever heard you complain. Not once.”

“I complained plenty to God. On my knees at the side of the bed. Sometimes I’d hear this voice telling me to hang in there. That something wonderful was coming for all of us. He was right.”

“True.”

“Jack a star. You a doctor. A mother couldn’t ask for more. Other than⁠—”

“Grandchildren. Right?”

She laughed, touching the gold cross that hung around her neck. “I shouldn’t want anything more than I have, but yes, it would be nice to have a baby in the family. However, we’re getting away from the subject at hand. What do we do about you and Grant?”

“There’s nothing to do. Grant won’t budge on this. He made that clear last night.”

My mother’s left eyebrow shot up. “What happened last night?”

“How are you getting all this out of me?”

“A mother has her ways. Now spill the tea.”

“We kissed. He told me he’s been in love with me for years now.”

“But he thinks Jack will disapprove.”

“It’s a real fear to him. He’s terrified to be kicked out. Tossed aside if he did anything that made Jack mad. His father was the master of transactional love.” I told her what he’d said about his father’s regimen and punishments. “That’s in him still. He thinks he has to be perfect to keep those he loves.”

“That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“I know,” I said. “It is.”

“Does he think Jack’s punitive in that way?” Carol asked. “Because that’s not my boy.”

“Even if it’s incorrect, Grant feels that he cannot have me and keep all the good parts of his life intact. I can’t force him to choose me. To risk so much. It’s just not in him.”

“But you’re in love with him?”

“Yeah,” I whispered, miserable. “I am.”

“I’ll talk to Jack.”