Page 44 of Lonesome Moon

She passed me the popcorn. “Well your dad’s not here tonight, so feel free to eat as much as you want.”

The movie started and soon I was lost in the story. I knew better than to talk during it. Luci had told me the first time we watched together that her only rule was NO TALKING during the movie. Instead, we ate popcorn and milk duds and shared a soda. I couldn’t help but think what my dad would have thought if he could see me. But he wasn’t here. I don’t know what it was about being here, but he’d been on my mind way too much.

By the ending, we were both in tears.

She shut the DVD player off and turned to me. “Every time I watch it, I notice something new or it hits me in a different way.”

“It’s layered,” I said.

“And every detail’s so perfect. Like when Amy shows up in her beat-up car with a basket of laundry and her NPR bag. Genius.”

“Yeah, that’s good. And I love the bar scene. When Meredith starts dancing—that’s the best.”

She rolled onto her side, resting her cheek in the crook of her arm. “Which character do you relate to the most?”

“Probably Meredith,” I said.

“Really? Why?”

“She’s an outsider, coming into someone else’s family and wanting so badly to fit in and for them to like her. But she’s awkward, always saying the wrong things and messing everything up.”

“But you never say the wrong things,” Luci said.

“Because I don’t talk at all. Easier that way.”

“Is that why you’re quiet? To avoid a mistake?”

“Not the only reason, but yeah. I’ve always been kind of shy. Like I don’t quite fit in the world.”

“You don’t look like that on stage.”

“Behind the drum set is my happy place.” Before I could stop myself, I reached over to tuck a stray lock behind Luci’s ear. Her eyes widened slightly, but she didn’t say anything. “What about you? Who do you relate to the most?”

“Everett. He’s trying so hard to be perfect. All the time. I imagine him having this checkoff list of accomplishments and goals.”

“That’s why he wants the ring,” I said.

She nodded. “Not because he’s in love with Meredith, but because he thinks it’s the correct time and she’s the right type of woman for him. Plus, he knows his mother is sick and that they’re all on borrowed time.”

“Which his mother sees right through,” I said.

“There’s a difference between you and him, though. You are perfect.”

“Hardly. But that’s sweet.”

She reached over to tug on the collar of my shirt, slipping a finger underneath.

Sparks traveled to all parts of my body. I’ve never wanted anything more in the world than to kiss her.

“I do get what you mean, though,” Luci said. “About not belonging anywhere.”

“You have Jack and your mom.”

“I used to have Jack. But I had to give him to the world. I’m on the outside of his life now. He left me behind, which is understandable. I mean, he was meant to entertain with his songs, and it sounds selfish for me to even say it but sometimes I miss the old days. Before he was famous and we could go to some mediocre diner for breakfast without half the place coming over to ask for a photograph. I’ll just be standing in the grocery store line and there’s his face on yet another magazine. I want to shout out to anyone who will listen—that’s my brother—I had him first. You don’t know him like I do. No one knows him like I do. And even you guys—you know, how you’re all so close. It makes me jealous a little bit. Like he replaced his little sister with four brothers.”

“You’re irreplaceable. And he adores you.”

“Adoring from afar is not the same as making someone a bologna quesadilla when they’re hungry. And now he’s going to marry an angel and he’ll really have no use for me. I know I sound awful. But it’s the way I feel down deep. I can’t say any of this to Jack. He’s done more for me than a brother should have to.”