Page 181 of Graves

I had given Koh a backstage pass, but he only stayed briefly before the show. He said he didn’t want to disturb us while we prepared. I could tell the backstage tension was too much for him.

I’ve never had such bad stage fright in my life. I couldn’t sit still. I paced the room and fought the urge to hit my wrists. That’s always been my way of dealing with pressure, especially since everyone knew they had to keep alcohol away from me.

Besides the fact that my forearm wounds still aren’t fully healed, I urgently need to get this habit under control. I know how disturbing it is for others when I pace like a madman and hurt myself.

Koh and I made a promise not to harm ourselves anymore. My argument that it wasn’t the same as his cutting fell on deaf ears when he pointed out that drugs count too.

“Be right there. Just need to stick my head under the shower,” I reply—and send a photo of me and Tristan James right after.

“Wow! Or should I ask: What the hell is his hand doing on your hip?”

I burst out laughing. “Don’t worry. My heart and my hips belong only to you.”

I go into the bathroom, turn on the shower, and hold my head under the cool water. I also wet a towel and wipe the sweat from my upper body. Then I dry my hair roughly and wear a fresh T-shirt.

When I’m about to head out, I catch my reflection in the mirror. I study the man staring back at me—who feels like a completely different person.

His muscles are relaxed. His eyes are clear. He radiates a joy I never dared to dream of when I first got out. But Koh worked a miracle.

With every day I get to spend with him, I leave more of the darkness and melancholy behind. I’ve lost the fear of being swallowed by my own emptiness. In Koh, I found a bright light that led me back to myself.

“You coming?” Liam calls.

I give my new self a smile and return to the dressing room. Mike and Sam are just leaving, and only Liam is still waiting for me.

“Here,” he says, handing me my hoodie. “Probably safer.”

“Thanks.” I know I’ll probably die of heatstroke in it, but I don’t feel safe enough to walk around without it either. I put it on and tug the hood low over my face. “What about you?”

“Oh, I saw that hot girl next to Koh. She caught my eye in the hospital already. No way I’m approaching a beauty while hiding under a hood.”

I laugh and leave the dressing room ahead of him.

“Think I’ve got a chance with her?”

“Honestly? No idea. I’ve only met her once.”

We slip out a side door and head straight to where Koh and Nahla are standing. They’re deep in conversation and don’t see us coming.

I sneak up behind Koh, wrap my arms around his waist, and cling to him. Without a word, I kiss his neck and breathe in his wonderful scent. Even his sweat tastes like orange and lavender.

“Hi,” he says, turning his head. “I missed you.”

Our lips meet and electricity shoots through me. I turn Koh around, press his back against the wall, and kiss him passionately.

Feeling him melt and surrender makes me even hungrier. But then the house lights go out and the first booming drum hits roll through the venue. The crowd erupts and the atmosphere becomes electric.

I brace one forearm on the wall beside Koh’s head, stroke his cheek, and lose myself in his beautiful dark eyes.

“You have my heart. I love you,” I say against his lips.

“I love you too, Aran Graves.” Koh slides a hand to the back of my neck and pulls me closer for another kiss. “And as soon as this is over, I’m going to devour you—wherever you want.”

“Oh yes, babe, I already know where,” I answer, rubbing my thigh against his crotch. “I don’t know if you’ll like it, but tonight we’re doing it the old dirty rockstar way.”

I feel his cock harden and I’m this close to dragging him off right now. My hand travels down his arm until our fingers intertwine. Before I can lure him back to the dressing room and fuck him in the bathroom, he takes control again and meets my eyes.

“I know you’d regret missing the show, so you’d better stop now.”