Page 132 of Graves

“Only you can take your life into your own hands and change it. You can do that because you’re free, so break out of this downward spiral!”

I remove the wet cloth from my forehead and push myself up. When my feet hit the floor, I get dizzy for a moment.

“You’re right.” I knead the cloth in my hands. “But I have no idea where to start.”

“How about a little trust?” Fox says, holding out his hands. “All you have to do is accept help.”

“Okay… So what should I do?”

“Stand up!” he orders.

My body is exhausted, and I don’t want to feel like this anymore; freedom was definitely supposed to feel different. I lean forward and stand.

“Stand up straight.”

That’s not as easy as it sounds, but when my shoulders are squared and I stand tall in front of my bodyguard, even breathing feels liberating.

“Good. That was a solid start. Now go take a shower,” Fox says in a slightly snappy but well-meaning tone. “More tips only after you’re clean again.”

With that, he not only puts a smile on my face but also gives me the feeling that there might still be hope for me.

27

—

Koh

It’s just after midnight when I step into the dark apartment. A familiar scent hits me, but it doesn’t bring any warm, nostalgic feelings.

My mother’s scent vanished long ago. What the walls and furniture exhale now is a sharp, almost rancid stench that turns my stomach.

I tiptoe down the hallway toward the bedroom. Loud snoring drifts through the small gap in the door.

It doesn’t surprise me that Jerry can sleep so peacefully. The man has no conscience.

For what I’m about to do, I’ve also abandoned my conscience. It was easy enough; for days a fury has been simmering inside me like nothing I’ve ever known. Fed by grief for my mother and hatred for her murderer, all I can think of is revenge.

Dressed entirely in black, I stand at the foot of the bed and look at the man who made my mother’s and my life a living hell.

Nothing was ever good enough for him. Not the freshly polished dishes, not the washed and perfectly folded shirts, not the delicious meals my mother cooked. And if she wasn’t already the biggest disappointment, I was the complete failure. Too weak when I got bullied at school, too sensitive when I wanted to help others, too stupid when I brought home a bad grade, too arrogant when I was good at something.

I stand there for a long time, letting the past run through my mind like a ritual that belongs to the sacrifice.

“Make sure you know what you hope to get out of this,” my father had said.

This isn’t just revenge. It’s also my way of closing the chapter.

I take my time, remembering countless moments when I stood there trembling with fear, watching him choke my mom. How he demanded I do it too. How he kicked me in the stomach when I refused.

Before the emotions overwhelm me and I lose my nerve, I give the door behind me a push. It slams shut with a sharp bang, as if caught by a sudden gust of wind.

Jerry jolts awake and stares into the darkness for a moment.

I stand still, watching him convince himself everything is fine before he rolls over again.

“You sleep like a baby,” I say in a deep, hate-filled voice.

Hate is good. It keeps me focused.