Page 126 of Graves

Only when we’re driving back over the bridge to Astoria does my pulse calm down and I manage to think clearly again.

I’m just starting over.

Aran needs help I can’t give him.

“Looks like I’m leaving the West Village earlier than planned,” I murmur, staring out the window.

“Where should I drop you?” Luke asks cautiously. “Not that you wouldn’t be welcome at my place. Your room is still exactly as you left it. But I’m guessing you don’t—”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll take my old room.”

It’s probably for the best.

Luke knows me and knows what I need.

I tell myself I’m doing the right thing, but deep down, I feel everything I built over the last year slipping away.

26

—

Aran

No matter how hard I try to focus on rehearsal, I can’t even hold the last note. It feels like the perfect ending to an already exhausting afternoon.

I’m irritated and wiped out.

Even the pills have stopped working.

The comforting numbness never comes, and any joy I used to feel for the music seems to have completely disintegrated in the last few days.

I want to be excited about the opportunities opening up for me, but the only thing I can think about is Koh.

He’s everywhere, crowding out everything that should matter right now. Thoughts of him are all I have left—because Koh is gone.

And I’ve apparently become a hopeless case.

I kick the empty cup on the floor next to the mic stand and groan.

I’m done.

I don’t want anything more to do with this today.

“Are we finished?” Liam asks from behind the drums.

Silence falls for a moment. I don’t see the looks the guys exchange because I’m already heading straight for the couch area. I drop into an armchair and bury my face in my hands.

I just want to scream, even though it feels like I’ve done nothing but scream for the last two hours. My body is buzzing with tension and I want to crawl out of my own skin.

“That’s good,” I hear Liam say. “Alex will be happy if I show up early. My ex, not so much, but who cares?”

I lean forward and pour myself a soda. Maybe the sparkling water will bring some clarity to my chaotic head.

“I’ve gotta head out too,” Mike says, grabbing his bag from the couch. “Want a ride, Liam?”

“You heading uptown?”

“Yep.”