Page 89 of Play Room Actor

“That was your goodbye fuck.” He grabbed his leather jacket, avoiding eye contact. “From now on, I’m leaving you alone.”

Before I could say anything else, he stormed out of the room and left Livio’s apartment.

Stunned, I sat there, staring at the wall. It felt like everything in my head was crumbling. My mistakes, my missteps, my failures, my secrets—they had all driven Kilian away because I couldn’t open my mouth and tell him the truth in time.

The high was replaced by a crushing sadness, seeping into every inch of my being like acid, tearing me apart from the inside.

After Philippe had failed to get me in the mood, Kilian had given me not one, but two orgasms—and all I could think about was what a pathetic failure I was.

My whole body trembled as I searched for my clothes. It took me ages to get dressed. Tears kept streaking down my face, no matter how many I wiped away.

“Hey,” Livio said from the doorway. “You okay?”

I swallowed back a sniffle and nodded. “Yeah,” I lied, taking a long swig of vodka. “I need to go,” I said, setting the bottle back on the dresser and slipping past Livio with my head down, heading toward the exit through the living room. As I reached for my jacket from the coat rack, Livio appeared beside me again.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, his concern evident.

“Yeah.” I patted my pockets to make sure I had my phone and wallet, then left the apartment.

I was a wreck, my thoughts a complete mess. Kilian’s image haunted me—the way he’d fucked me so ruthlessly, so mercilessly, with the dark eyes of a villain. The pleasure he’d given me was beyond anything I could describe, but even the release of those orgasms couldn’t ease the suffocating weight of guilt and regret pressing down on me.

I wanted to scream. To fight back against the chaos tearing me apart inside. But with every step I took toward the city center, I felt myself losing pieces of who I was. Eventually, with trembling hands, I pulled out my phone and called Nico.

“Mick,” he answered groggily. “What’s going on so late?”

“I …”

I couldn’t stop the sob that escaped. I covered my mouth for a moment, probably in vain, because Nico sounded wide awake.

“What happened?”

“I fucked up,” I said, my voice shaking as I wiped another tear from my cheek. They just wouldn’t stop.

“I’m at Hector’s place. Come over. We’ll talk.”

“But—”

“Hector’s not here. He won’t be back until tomorrow evening. I’m stuck in my new writing room anyway.”

“Okay,” I whispered.

Somehow, my body felt a little lighter. Relief washed over me at the thought of taking an Uber to Hector’s place instead of going home, where the walls would’ve closed in on me.

26

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Dominic

Full of shame and with my head hanging low, I stepped past Nico into the apartment. During the ride, I had managed to keep the tears in check, but as soon as I saw Nico's worried and sympathetic face, I couldn’t hold them back any longer.

Fuck! I wasn’t usually this emotional. In acting school, I’d been the one who couldn’t squeeze out a single tear. Crying just didn’t come naturally to me. Not even the memories of my childhood could bring up any tears, as that time in my life was just a void—completely empty.

But now I knew which feeling to use in the future. It was so overwhelming that it took my breath away and hit me like a sledgehammer. It was a combination of fear and shame, worse than any torture. The feeling of having lost Kilian was suffocating.

“Come,” Nico said, guiding me past the kitchen to the dining table. “Sit down.”

I sank into a chair, wiped my face for the hundredth time, and sniffled as Nico placed a box of tissues in front of me. While I blew my nose, he poured two glasses of water and sat down across from me.