Page 11 of Play Room Actor

On stage, wooden planks, cloths, and boards hinted at the first set design, and Sebastian, also wearing a headset, explained his vision for the scene. After many hours discussing details with him and Theo, I’d already come up with a preliminary lighting plan and began switching on the spotlights accordingly.

Every now and then, my gaze wandered to the front row, where Dominic was sitting. Sure, I could have taken him home last Friday if he hadn’t resisted so strongly. But I never expected our paths to cross again like this.

But I thought it was great.

Now, I didn’t have to go back to the strip club to see him again.

4

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Dominic

The new role changed my life in ways I never anticipated. Of course, I had been working toward it, but I didn’t expect to land the lead role and play Hamlet right away.

Rehearsals started the next day, and I was faced with a schedule that forced me to cut back on my job at the strip club and also reschedule my therapy appointments.

“I understand that you’d like to stay busy seven days a week,” Dr. Bachmann said toward the end of our session as we discussed my daily routines. “But it’s important to give yourself at least one, preferably two, days off.”

I frowned. “The rehearsals are happening during the week, from Tuesday to Friday.”

“And what about your other job?”

“I’ve set it up so that I work every other Friday and sometimes on Saturdays.”

“That means you have Sunday and Monday off. That’s good.” Dr. Bachmann jotted down a note and smiled warmly at me. “You’ve made a lot of progress in the past few months. Do you think that abstaining from sex has been helping you?”

I picked at my thumb and nodded. “I think so. It helps me focus on my routines. Gives me permission not to worry about the fact that nothing works down there anymore.”

Dr. Bachmann smiled again. “It sounds like you no longer believe everything down there is functioning.”

“It’s not.”

“I’m sorry to contradict you for the hundredth time, but it is. You’ve had extreme sexual experiences, which you intensified with drugs. It’s normal that your sexual arousal and function are affected. If abstaining from sex helps, that’s fine.” Bachmann paused and scrutinized me. “You were trained as an actor to be aware of your surroundings. Use that skill and try to focus on touch.”

I hesitantly rubbed my forearm, unable to get the image of Kilian out of my head from last Friday when he had flirted with me in that nook under the stairs.

Shit! I had enjoyed it, and I wouldn’t have been opposed to going further with the guy. But knowing it was pointless was just frustrating.

“Judging by your expression, I assume you had an encounter like that recently,” Dr. Bachmann observed.

“Not exactly,” I murmured. Although Kilian had gotten close to me, he hardly touched me. He had traced his finger over my neck because he had seen my pulse there, and his thigh against my groin hadn’t been nothing either. “It was kind of exciting,” I continued. “In a way, but that probably had to do with the whole situation.”

“Your body has been overstimulated for a long time. That doesn’t mean you can’t feel desire or still get aroused. Give yourself time to return to normal. The main thing is avoiding a relapse.”

“Hmm …”

Bachmann had no idea how often I thought back to the parties where I could let go completely—at least, until that fateful day that changed everything.

The overturned chair on the shiny white ceramic floor still lingered in my mind, sending a cold shiver down my spine.

A glance at the clock above the entrance confirmed our time was up. I said goodbye to Dr. Bachmann and headed out. Since I couldn’t reschedule, I had to leave the rehearsal early. It was over by then anyway, so I hopped on the bus and was home by five.

“Hey!” I called, knowing that Nico, my roommate, was around.

He had devoted himself entirely to writing, turning his room into an office, while he usually spent the night at Hector’s city apartment.

The door was ajar, so I gave it a push. As expected, Nico was sitting at his desk, typing away at lightning speed.