Page 116 of Something Spontaneous

He grabs my shoulder and waits until I meet his eyes. “Son, I am lucky to have three boys who are wildly different, but wildly similar. Slade, god, he’s a control freak. I don’t know where he got that from. Sutton, that boy can’t take a thing in his life seriously, and I one hundred percent know where—who—he got that from.”

He closes his eyes and swallows. When he looks back at me, I see a tear in the corner of his eye. I’ve never seen him cry, and now I can’t fight a tear from welling up in my own eye.

“But the one thing you all have in common is that you are all so loyal—especially you. Because of you, I consider myself lucky every day. I’m lucky that you’re my son, and I’m lucky that you’re my best friend. So please, I’m begging you, do not let me be the reason you punish yourself for another ten years. I can’t watch that again. If you need to leave and take care of her, do that.”

“What about this place?” I say, trying to hold myself together. “It’s ours. It’s part of our family’s legacy, and you know, how you pay the bills?”

He laughs and wipes away a tear. “Sly, I only kept this garage for you, not for me, at least not for the last few years anyway. We still own the motel. The house has been paid off for decades.” He chuckles again and shakes his head. “Hell, we used to own a silver mine. There’s still some family money saved. Mom and I will be fine. Do not let this place hold you back from where you’re meant to be, and who you’re meant to be with.”

“Dad, I⁠—”

He gives me one of his rare, serious fatherly stares, and I shut up.

“I will hire someone to help keep it afloat for the time being until you decide what you want to do with it long-term. In the meantime, I’m not kidding. Go where you’re needed. Be with her. Don’t let her get away from you again.” He makes a shooing gesture. “So, please, go be a kid. Leave—before I make the choice for you. I’ll fire you and evict you from your apartment.”

“Wow. So fatherly of you,” I say, trying to fight back a smile.

He shrugs and taps a finger to his stubbled chin. “Huh, maybe I do see where Slade got some of that surly side of his from.”

I roll my eyes. “Again, you’re really leaning into your fatherly side tonight.”

His lips tug up into his trademark, shit-eating grin. “Well, sometimes you boys need a kick in the ass.”

CHAPTER 52

JOSIE

Survival Skills

Grace: Are you OK?

ME: Yes?

Me: Why wouldn’t I be?

Grace: Sly told me what happened…

Warmth spreads over me, and it has nothing to do with my weighted blanket or comforter in bed. Even when he’s not here, Sly is trying to protect me and give me the support I need, even if I won’t accept it.

ME: Not great. I’ve been better.

Grace: So, what I’m hearing is a yes on the yoga retreat?

Tonight, I lied to myself—to him—because it does feel like I’m pulling away and running, even if I don’t want it to be true. I don’t know when I’ll be willing to show my face in Sterling Springs again. I don’t know why I ever kidded myself into thinking that this could work, that I could stop running. I so desperately wanted Grace to be right. Maybe I can slow down eventually—just not yet.

I slowed down for weeks, not months, and look where I am. I’m hiding in my van, my safe space. That’s why I want to run. Maybe keeping that to myself, like he did all those years ago, rather than including him in my decisions, makes me the bad person this time.

I’m starting to realize how he must have felt back then. He looked so innocent and hopeful tonight, like the last ten years haven’t been hell on both of us.

And just like a decade ago, I’m lucky to have Grace in my life to help me pick up the pieces after life gives me another middle finger. I don’t need a night to sleep on things to know that.

Me: Book it. I’ll see you there.

I kick my feet again, trying to tuck them under my weighted blanket so I can fall back asleep. It’s no use. I slept like shit, and no weighted blanket or white noise machine is going to fix that.

When I drove up the long road to the overlook last night, I knew something was missing. As much as I never wanted to come back to Sterling Springs, I’ve never stopped thinking about all the nights I spent here after sneaking out with Sly. I never stopped thinking about the only person I’ve ever loved. With the window down on the drive, I savored the fresh air that reminded me of him.

That’s why I know exactly what’s missing this morning.