Page 114 of Something Spontaneous

Sisi looks… not quite judgmental, maybe surprised? I don’t know. I can’t process her reaction. Not because I don’t know her, but because I can already feel myself careening into full fight-or-flight mode.

I’m not embarrassed. I hate that someone could weaponize what I do against the people I care about. There are very few of those in the world, and I am protective of them.

I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to outright lie to Sisi, but having people in my life know this, without my consent, feels like an invasion of the bubble of privacy and security I’ve built for myself. Having that choice taken away from me feels far worse than Sisi knowing this secret.

My mind and my mouth don’t agree and spew out word soup, trying to fill the conversational void. “I make spicy content. Solo content—” I hold my hands up defensively and ramble on, as if that solo distinction makes any difference right now. “That’s what I do. I⁠—”

“Sisi, Sutton.” Sly’s voice is a stern command. I feel his chest puff up behind me, and I lean into him. “It’s her business. I know about it, and she’s a consenting adult, doing something she likes and should be proud of. Frankly, she’s been running a small business on her own that makes the three of us look like idiots by comparison. If she wants to tell you more, she will—but that’s her choice, and one that she shouldn’t have to make in the heat of the moment because Meredith is being a petulant, mean girl. I’m not going to let anyone, much less her, punish Josie because some people haven’t matured past their glory days in high school.”

I’m immediately grateful to have him here with me because I can’t look his siblings in the eyes. I understand there’s a certain irony with that, considering not showing my face in my work is part of what has gotten me to this point. There is one similarity between my work and this moment—I don’t want anyone to see my face for my protection.

Right now, it’s not because of my physical safety—it’s my emotional well-being. I don’t know what letting them, or anyone else in this bar, see me cry would do to me. That thought raises a new fear as I look around the room.

Outside of Meredith’s friends sitting at the bar, no one else seems to be looking at me. But I know it’s only a matter of time.

Soon, I won’t just be the daughter of the felons who scandalously stole from so many people in this town and destroyed a beloved part of it. I’ll also be the sex worker dating one of the town’s golden boys.

The feeling of Sly’s calloused thumb brushing away a tear brings me back to the reality that I am here, in Sterling Springs, in The Hatch.

My body makes up my mind for me—I choose flight.

CHAPTER 51

SLY

Go Be A Kid

I have never been angrier in my life. I wasn’t this angry at the town for turning their back on her as a kid, even if it led to me keeping a decade-long grudge against half of the inhabitants of Sterling Springs. I wasn’t this mad at the world when I finally started to accept that I should—that I could—go after her, only to have fate remind me that I was just a fragile pile of bones and flesh.

Not even the anger I directed inward—the quiet self-loathing that I harbored for years as punishment to myself for letting Josie go the first time—compares to how my blood boils right now. In an instant, my worst fears have reared their head, and it feels like she’s slipping away again—figuratively and literally.

She slides out of my lap and rushes toward the door of the noisy bar. I follow behind her, doing my best to avoid breaking into a full-on sprint because I know she wouldn’t want me to cause a scene after what happened.

The second we’re both outside on the empty sidewalk, I pull her to me. She presses her face into my chest, and I feel her tears soaking into my shirt. I hold her tight, like I’m holding onto my own sanity.

“I love you, so fucking much. Everything is going to be okay,” I say, pressing a kiss to the top of her gingery hair. “I’m so fucking sorry, Bunny. I’m going to fix this.”

She looks up at me through tear-filled lashes, and my entire body aches. I vowed I would never be the reason she cried again—except I am.

Meredith might have lit the fuse, but I’m the one who served up that bombshell on a platter for her with my stupid social media post.

“You’re not going to fix this, unless you’re a billionaire with some way of erasing the entire internet.”

My stomach roils at the intrusive thought running through my head. All I wanted was to make sure that I could remember my stolen time with her with those silly, candid selfies. That could end up being the reason I lose her again.

“I have to leave, Sly.” Her words cut through to my core. “I’m not going back to your apartment. I’m going to stay in my van tonight. I need some space.” She shakes her head. “Not from you, but from…” She looks up and down Silver Street, and I immediately know what she means. “All of this.”

“Please. Don’t run away. I’m here. I’m talking. Tell me what you need. Just, please, don’t run.”

She tries to muster a smile, but I know it’s for my sake and not genuine. “It’s fine.” She shakes her head, at odds with her words. “I need to get used to it—we need to get used to this…” she says, wagging a finger between us, “if this part-time, long-distance arrangement is going to work. I think I might take Grace up on her yoga retreat idea.”

“Bunny.” I hold her tight with one hand, cupping her cheek in my other. “Please, don’t pull away from me right now.”

She turns and presses a kiss to the inside of my palm, and her tears slow to a trickle. For a second, I think I might be getting through to her.

“I love you, Sly. You were right. That is a fact of our existence that’s never going to change.” My heart pounds in my ears, hearing those words that only a few short weeks ago were distant memories. “But I need to take a beat for myself. I’m going to our spot and camping there tonight. I promise I won’t leave without talking to you first.”

Maybe it’s fitting that I’m here tonight, because this is where I buried myself away after Josie left. Ironically, it was always my safe place, even after my accident. It’s just not where I saw myself ending up tonight.