Page 49 of Never Not Friends

Because if I do, if I acknowledge how far down the flirting-with-Vinny road I just was, it will make the moment ten times worse. And I already hate myself enough. And Lucille hates me. I can see it in her eyes. She’s going to need therapy after what she just witnessed. We all will.

“Wow!” Juliet glances over the tray of samples. “It looks like you guys made a lot of progress.”

“We already chose our favorite.” Vinny smiles back at me while his arm is AROUND JULIET’S WAIST like it wasn’t just him and me moments ago. Like he felt nothing.

Then it hits me somewhere tender.

Of course he felt nothing.

He doesn’t see me like that.

I’m just a friend.

That’s all I’ll ever be.

“Red velvet. Right, Em?”

“Huh?” I meet their stares but just barely. Inside, I’m spiraling. I don’t belong here. “I need to go.” I stand, not even apologizing as I rush to the door.

“Em?” Juliet says, trying to catch my arm. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just busy. See you tomorrow.” I don’t look back as I speed-walk to my car.

I can’t look back. I can’t fake it.

I’m already crying.

Rounding the corner of the bakery, I press against the concrete wall, letting my emotions free. My chest heaves up and down as my head rests back. I close my eyes, pushing a few tame tears out.

I hoped…

No, I thought Vinny felt something too. But that was all innocent friend stuff. I read too much into it. I thought it was more.

To him, it was nothing.

My hands go to my face, covering it up in complete shame.

And even if Vinny had felt something too—which he didn’t—what next? It’s not like anything can come from it.

I’ve been such an idiot.

This thing with Vinny has to stop.

He loves Juliet.

He’s marrying Juliet in twenty-six days.

I have to move on.

She won.

I never stood a chance the moment she entered the picture.

9th Grade - April

I walk down the sidewalk to the boys’ soccer game with Blair by my side, but my eyes immediately scan the bleachers for Vinny. He told me earlier that he’d be here. I made sure I looked good—green camo pants and I’m rocking a long side braid like Katniss Everdeen, whom Vinny has a thing for ever since we went and saw Hunger Games in the theater. But everything stops, even my feet, when my gaze lands on Vinny across the field.

Because it’s not just Vinny sitting in the bleachers.