Page 170 of Never Not Friends

Because it’s so Vinny.

Loyal to a fault.

“So when I really, truly started having doubts about marrying Juliet, I thought that I was the problem.”

“When did you first have doubts?”

He hesitates, as if the answer is hard to admit. “Before I even proposed. But I still did it because I wanted to want to marry her. We’d been together for so long. There wasn’t anything really wrong between us. I could picture myself being with her. But as the wedding got closer, that picture of marrying her and spending my life with her made me feel like I couldn’t breathe.”

My chest feels heavy with sadness for all of us. For Vinny. For Juliet. For me.

I think of Juliet sitting in Camila’s kitchen a week before the wedding, asking me if she was making a mistake marrying him.

“Juliet had doubts too,” I say, wanting him to understand the full picture.

“I know. She told me a few days before the wedding. Said that she was worried we were together because it was easy instead of right.”

I stare down at my food. “I told her she was crazy for not wanting to marry you.”

“I know. She told me that too.”

I glance up. “I just wanted you both to be happy.”

“What about your happiness?”

“Oh, jeez.” I laugh. “I guess I thought my happiness and what I wanted didn’t matter. It felt pretty impossible and out of reach.”

“Do you still think that now?”

“No, but ask me again tomorrow, and I might have a different answer.”

“Emma, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your happiness for anyone else. If you want this, I need you to let yourself want it.”

I don’t say anything back because I don’t have the answers. I’m trying to be better about all of this, but it’s hard for me. It’s a slow process, rewiring my brain.

“That night at the wedding rehearsal”—his eyes stay on mine—“I shouldn’t have dragged you into the middle of everything. I shouldn’t have asked you to give me a reason why I shouldn’t marry Juliet. I’m sorry I did that.”

“Why did you?”

“I was a mess that night. I loved Juliet. Our lives were tangled together, and we were about to get married, but I knew our relationship wasn’t what I ultimately wanted. And at the same time, I was finding out that everything I believed about you and me was wrong too. I was so confused. And you’ve always been a constant in my life, so I turned to you.” His lips lift. “It’s what I always seem to do.”

My heart pounds harder.

“But I want you to know…I didn’t call off the wedding and break up with Juliet because of you. Even if none of that stuff between us had come out, I still wouldn’t have married her.”

I didn’t realize how badly I needed to hear that until the pressure inside my chest loosens a little.

“Were you part of it?” he continues. “Yeah, I’m not going to lie and say you weren’t. Finding out the truth about us made me question a lot of things. And seeing you at the wedding, how you were struggling”—his jaw shifts—“that mattered.”

“Do you regret it?” I’ve asked myself the same thing a hundred times in the last two weeks.

“The wedding?”

I nod.

Vinny looks toward the yard for a moment. “I regret hurting her. I regret doing it in front of everyone. I regret that it took me until we were standing at the altar to finally be honest with myself.” He looks back at me. “But no. I don’t regret that I didn’t marry Juliet.”

Silence settles between us until he finally asks, “What about you? Do you regret it?”