Page 151 of Never Not Friends

“I haven’t even seen or talked to Vinny,” I blurt.

Her brows jump to her hairline. “You haven’t seen him?”

“No, not once.”

“Oh my gosh, Emma!” She drags her hands down her face then drops them dramatically.

“I didn’t want to do anything to betray you.”

“Betray me?” she scoffs. “I think we already crossed that line, don’t you?”

“I don’t know. I guess.”

“You don’t need my permission to see him, Emma. And I certainly don’t want your pity, like you’re being such a good friend by staying away from him.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do. I just… I don’t want to hurt you⁠—”

“More than you already have?”

Already.

I hate that word.

“Vinny and I are over. And you’ve waited twelve years for me to get out of the way, and now that I finally am, don’t hold back now on my account. Haven’t we already lived that version of life?”

“I didn’t wait twelve years for you to get out of the way so I could have Vinny.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I’m not trying to hurt you.”

“Be with Vinny or don’t be with Vinny. I don’t even care. I just want you to freakin’ make a decision for yourself, not for someone else. I’m moving on without you both. So you should move on too.”

“I am moving on. I haven’t seen Vinny because I’m giving him space. But I do plan to see him eventually, with or without your blessing. Because you’re right. I don’t need your permission. I’m past the point of making my life choices contingent upon everyone else.”

“Well, I’m so happy you learned all of that at my expense.”

“Jules,” I sigh. “I want nothing more than for you to tell me that you forgive me and that we can go back to being us. I probably don’t deserve that right now, but that’s what I want.”

She looks away. “You don’t get to decide when I’m ready for us to be friends again.”

“I know. But while you’re deciding, I just want you to know that I love you and I miss you.”

Juliet’s eyes squeeze shut.

For several long seconds, she doesn’t answer. Then, she says, “I miss you too, but I’m not ready to go back to how things were. I can’t. It all hurts too much.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t know how much time I need, and I really don’t want to hear anything about you and Vinny right now. Or see you together.”

“That’s fair.” And there might not be anything between us. I don’t know yet.

“So I’m going to Peoria, and I need you to let me go. Let me have some space.”

“I understand.” I nod a few times, and it feels like the conversation’s over, so I turn to leave.

“Emma?”