Page 140 of Never Not Friends

My lips tremble. “Yes.”

Her eyes close. One lone tear slips down her cheek, and I’m broken. I just want to go back to thirty minutes ago, when she gave me the charm bracelet, when I was her best friend.

The hurt behind her eyes when she opens them destroys me.

“Jules…I…” I reach for her, but she backs away.

“How long?” I can’t answer. “How long, Emma?”

“Always,” my voice cracks. “I’ve always loved him.”

She goes completely still, like she’s mentally rewinding our entire history together. Her face changes. “So you lied to me about your feelings for him for twelve years?”

“I didn’t lie, I just…” My shoulders fall.

“Oh, so you didn’t lie,” she scoffs. “You just forgot to mention that you loved him.”

“I didn’t say anything because I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you both to be happy. So I stayed out of the way.”

A bitter laugh escapes her. “No, you do not get to be the hero here, Emma. You don’t get to walk around, acting like some noble saint who gave up everything for me. I never asked you to do that.”

Defensiveness grips my heart. “Yes, you did.”

Juliet huffs. “What are you even talking about?”

I never planned to bring this up to Juliet, but part of me can’t seem to hold back.

“Twelve years ago, when you first came to me and said that you liked Vinny, I told you how I felt. I told you I didn’t want you to go after him, and you still did.”

“That’s not what happened. You gave me your blessing to date Vinny. I would’ve never dated him if you had told me not to.”

“I said I didn’t want you to. I drew a line in the sand. I said that it would suck for me if you went for him. So yeah, maybe you didn’t ask me to give up everything for you, but don’t act like you didn’t know what it cost me.”

“That’s not a line in the sand, Emma. That’s just you pointing out that it would be a bummer if we got together.”

“You know me!” my voice rises. “You, of all people, should know that me saying that was my line in the sand. My way of telling you no. But you didn’t care. You went after him anyway, even when you knew I still liked him.”

“Yeah, maybe I knew you liked him when we were fifteen. I knew it would hurt you, but you told me you were okay. And then a year passed. And another, and you acted like you were fine. We grew up. How was I supposed to know you were still in love with him when you spent twelve years making sure I didn’t?”

“You’re right. I did act like I was fine. I did make sure you didn’t know how I felt. I did that because I wanted you to be happy. It didn’t matter if I loved Vinny, because he loved you.”

“Well, clearly it matters now, because on my wedding day, he was looking at you!” She lets out a sound that’s halfway between a laugh and a sob. I can’t tell which.

“Juliet, there’s nothing between us.” I step forward again, trying to physically close the distance between us. “He loves you. He’s marrying you. We can go back out there and continue the ceremony. Everything will be fine.”

“No, Emma,” her voice breaks. “Everything won’t be fine, because he loves you.”

Tears rush to the front of my eyes as my head shakes.

“What?” she huffs. “You didn’t know? You didn’t know that he came to me last night and tried to call off the wedding?” My heart sinks as I watch the tears drench her cheeks. “That if I hadn’t stopped the ceremony in there, he would’ve?” She wipes at her face. “He wants you, Emma. It only took a ten-minute conversation with him just now to end everything between us.”

“No.” I shake my head harder, refusing to believe I’ve completely blown up my best friend’s life. “I’ll go talk to him. I’ll fix this. You’re my best friend. I love you. Your happiness is what matters to me most.”

“Stop deciding what’s best for me and my happiness and then calling it love. Like when I came to you with doubts, and you told me to marry him. You told me that, when you knew all this other stuff was going on behind the scenes.” She steps back from me like she can no longer stand to be near me. “I don’t want your ‘help’ anymore, Emma. All you’ve done is make everything worse.”

The words hit somewhere deeper than everything else she’s said.

“Juliet, I’m so sorry. I’ve made a mess out of everything, but I’m sure I can fix this. I can⁠—”