Page 105 of Never Not Friends

Neither of us says anything, just the sound of our heavy breaths.

There’s an ache in my sternum, that same helpless heartbreak I felt when I was fifteen.

I step closer, gently catching her wrist as if she might run away. “If I had known…” The words hang between us, dangerous and loaded.

Emma’s chest moves up and down, waiting for me to fill in the blanks.

When I don’t, she finally says, “But you didn’t know. And then a month later, you started dating Juliet.” She pulls her arm out from my grasp. “Do you have any idea how much that hurt me?”

“If it hurt so bad, why did you give Juliet the green light to date me?”

“The green light?” she scoffs. “I told her no.”

I rub my hand across my forehead, more confused than ever. “Juliet said you were okay with us.”

“Why would I be okay with the boy I loved dating my best friend?” She shakes her head as if I’m crazy. “Nobody would be okay with that.”

“Right!” I throw my hands out. “Nobody would be okay with that unless they didn’t care.” My voice lowers, and my tone softens with hurt. “I thought you didn’t care about me, Emma.”

“And I thought you didn’t care about me.” Her bottom lip trembles with emotion, but she catches it between her teeth before it’s too late.

I stand there, blinking back at her, reeling from all the untold truths and assumptions that have hung over us for years.

“But like I said”—her chin lifts as if she’s found some new resolve—“none of this matters now. You’re getting married in one week to Juliet.” She wipes away the hints of moisture in her eyes. “So let’s just forget about it, okay?”

“I can’t just forget about it.” My eyes don’t leave hers as I step back, both hands raking through my hair. “It could’ve mattered.” I shake my head, feeling my own emotion threaten in my chest. “I wouldn’t have dated Juliet.”

“Yes, you would’ve. When given the chance, you’ve always chosen Juliet.”

“Because I thought you didn’t care about me!” I huff. “Even after college, I came home thinking we might actually have a chance, but you made it clear you wanted nothing to do with me.”

Her brows hike up. “I made it clear?”

“Yes, you completely blew me off. For weeks. Every time I texted you, there was always an excuse, until I finally got the hint you weren’t interested and stopped texting.”

“Yeah, because I saw your car at Juliet’s house for two hours that night.”

My brows sag with confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“The night you came back from college. When you said you were coming over to see me. I was interested. I thought…” She shakes her head as if she’s decided not to finish her thought. Instead, a sardonic laugh escapes her lips. “I should’ve known your first stop home would be to Juliet. She always comes first.”

“That’s why you texted me and said you were busy that night and why you kept blowing me off?” Something tight fills my lungs. “Because you saw my car at Juliet’s house?”

“You were there for hours. What was I supposed to think?” She glances away, clenching her jaw like she’s fighting for her life to stay composed.

“Emma.” I step closer again, softly bringing my fingers to her chin, forcing her to look at me. “I went to Juliet’s house that night to make sure she knew that she and I were over. If I had even the slightest chance of being with you, I wanted to make sure there wasn’t anything standing in the way. I knew you’d never date me if you thought Juliet had feelings for me. You’re too good of a friend.”

“Why go the same night you said you were going to visit me?”

“I thought it would be a quick pop-in. But it wasn’t.”

“You could’ve texted, said you were still coming. Anything would’ve been better than not knowing.”

“I was stupid. I should’ve done it all differently. But I’m being sincere when I say, I wanted you.”

A tear loosens from the corner of her eye, trickling down her cheek.

Without thinking, my fingers skim across her skin, wiping it away. Her eyelids briefly close, and she leans into my touch like she’s craved it for years.