Page 80 of Cousin Conundrum

He hardly had the words out before Mr. Collins pushed past him into the room, his round face florid with anger.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Mr. Collins flapped several pages, which Miss Mabel attempted to snatch from him. He stomped up to stand before Mrs. Archer, squeezing between the sofa she occupied and the tea table. She remained seated, appearing calmly amused, and with a gesture commanded her daughters to retake their places.

“Mrs. Archer.” Mr. Collins rattled the pages. “I will have the meaning of this.”

“Certainly, cousin, only do tell me what ‘this’ happens to be, that has you so agitated.”

“This is a letter from my patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh.”

“Then I imagine the meaning is made clear in her words.” Mrs. Archer’s amusement didn’t waver, but Miss Mabel appeared quite pale, and the Miss Archers exchanged worried looks.

Kitty leaned forward eagerly.

Holding out the letter, Mr. Collins prodded the pages hard enough that it was a wonder he didn’t tear even Lady Catherine’s expensive paper. “My esteemed patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, has written to me with great alarm. Lady Catherine is well acquainted with Mrs. Archer and tells me Mrs. Archer has no daughters, only a single, married son and two young grandchildren.”

Kitty’s mouth hinged open. Beside her, color leached from Cat’s face.

Mrs. Archer laughed. “My dear Mr. Collins, Lady Catherine is quite obviously mistaken.”

His eyes bulged. “Lady Catherine is never mistaken. She is first and foremost an authority on her acquaintances.”

“Apparently she is not, for I have five daughters. Four of them are even in this room.” Mrs. Archer shook her head. “I have met her only in passing, you know. I am afraid she must be confusing me with someone else.”

A very reasonable explanation, delivered with perfect calm. If Kitty didn’t already suspect the Archers of some evil, and if the Miss Archers did not appear so worried, there would be no doubt.

“I told you.” From where she now stood behind the sofa Mrs. Archer and Miss Edith occupied, Miss Mabel aimed a glare at Mr. Collins. “Lady Catherine is wrong. How can you level such accusations at my mother? And after how good we have been to you, coming all this way to give our thoughts on your future estate and your Bennet cousins.”

“Yes, we have consigned ourselves to this terrible backwater for your sake, cousin, and this is how you repay us?” Cat snapped, taking up the cause.

Mr. Collins looked about, blinking. His gaze dropped to the letter he held. “Lady Catherine also commands that any attempts by Miss Archer to entangle Mr. Darcy must stop, as Mr. Darcy is betrothed to his cousin, Miss Anne de Bourgh.”

Kitty’s eyebrows shot up. Was that why Mr. Darcy fought so diligently against what she’d begun to suspect was an attraction to Elizabeth?

“No such engagement has ever been announced,” Miss Archer said with a sniff. “I am afraid this so-called betrothal is simply more evidence of Lady Catherine’s delusions, cousin.”

Mr. Collins gaped at her, his face crimson and his mind quite obviously flailing.

“Mr. Collins,” Miss Bingley spoke firmly, causing him to swing around and bang into the tea table. “I must ask you to behave with more decorum. We are in the middle of tea.”

“I…” He looked about the room, then down at the letter he held. “There has never been an official announcement about Mr. Darcy and Miss de Bourgh’s betrothal,” he admitted in a small voice.

“Cousin.” Miss Mabel smiled at him as he turned back to her. “William, please, do not let yourself become so distraught. Mama will write to Lady Catherine and set her straight. Will you not, Mama?”

“I will.” Mrs. Archer stood, causing Mr. Collins to stumble into the tea table once more, sloshing beverages and tumbling a pyramid of pastries. “In fact, I am so outraged by her accusation that I will do so immediately.” She snapped her fingers, bringing the seated Miss Archers to their feet. “Girls.”

“But we never had tea.” Kitty stood along with her hostesses, their whole plan crumbling about them. “Perhaps Mr. Collins would care for tea?”

Mrs. Archer angled her nose into the air. “I care not what my cousin wishes to do. I will be composing a scathing letter to Lady Catherine.”

She swept from the room. Miss Archer followed, her nose equally high. Miss Edith merely shrugged as she joined them, but Cat looked about with a grimace.

As her mother and sisters filed out, Miss Mabel brought fisted hands to her hips. She leveled a glare at Mr. Collins. “Well? What have you to say for yourself?”

“I…ah…” He looked down at the letter that now hung limply in his hand. “I…”

“You are so inept.” Miss Mabel pivoted and stormed away.