Page 29 of Cousin Conundrum

“Please, Mama.” Kitty sounded truly aggrieved. “I do not want to marry him. He is so…so oily.”

Elizabeth cast her younger sister a pitying look, and gave silent thanks that their mother hadn’t settled on her for the task.

“I should marry Mr. Collins,” Jane said quietly, finally looking up from her clasped hands.

“Jane, no,” Elizabeth protested. No matter the outcome with Mr. Bingley, Jane could not be squandered on such a horrible man.

“He has shown me a marked preference.”

“He has been here less than a week.” Elizabeth shook her head. “He cannot know who he might prefer.”

“He—”

“Elizabeth is correct,” Mrs. Bennet said over Jane’s next words. “You are for Mr. Bingley, or one of his wealthy London friends. Kitty will do for Mr. Collins.”

Kitty looked about with wide, worried eyes. “But, Mama, I—”

“Shh,” Mrs. Bennet hissed, cocking her head.

Elizabeth heard it as well. The clod of Mr. Collins’ footfalls coming down the front staircase.

A moment later, he appeared in the parlor doorway, dressed for going out. “Mrs. Bennet. My fair cousins. Such an assembly of fine faces and receptive minds.”

“Receptive minds?” Elizabeth repeated, relatively certain she was being insulted.

Mr. Collins nodded. “Yes. I have observed that only Cousin Mary spends sufficient time in retrospection and study, which leads me to believe that the remainder of you have open, uncluttered minds. While I am here, I will make it my duty to fill them properly.”

“But Elizabeth reads far more than Mary.” Lydia gestured vaguely in Elizabeth’s direction.

“Yet of such texts as are not appropriate for a young lady.” Mr. Collins’ brow furrowed. “Philosophy. Husbandry. Texts on the natural world.”

Elizabeth drew her shoulders back. “What would you have me read, sir?”

“Your Bible, certainly, and Fordyce. His advice for the conduct of young ladies is impeccable. When I have the opportunity, I will read to you from his work.”

“Have you no time now?” Mrs. Bennet gestured to where Kitty and Lydia occupied a couch. “Kitty was only moments ago saying how she adores your readings. Were you not, Kitty?”

Kitty stared at their mother, her face white.

“Did she indeed?” Though he didn’t so much as glance at Kitty, Mr. Collins’ smile held all the satisfaction of a cat clasping a mouse in its mouth. Still, he shook his head. “Alas, I cannot rightly fill your young minds with intelligent sentiments at this moment. When out walking with my cousins the Archers yesterday, I agreed to a carriage ride today.”

“You have been out with the Archers every day since arriving here,” Mrs. Bennet said tartly, though Elizabeth was rather pleased by Mr. Collins’ repeated absence.

“Yes. I have told them as much, but they are most insistent.” He issued Elizabeth’s mother a condescending look. “However, today one of your daughters is to be much honored. Mrs. Archer’s carriage seats four across, and there are but seven of us, including me. I asked if I might, and was given the condescension to, invite one of my fair Bennet cousins along on our ride.” He turned to Jane. “I believe Cousin J—”

“Kitty will go,” Mrs. Bennet said loudly.

Mr. Collins turned back, blinking. “Miss Kitty?” He looked about twice before his gaze settled on Elizabeth’s younger sister, as if he couldn’t recall which of them was Kitty.

Mrs. Bennet cast Kitty a hard glare.

Kitty, in turn, looked at Jane, who sat with her shoulders curled inward and her face turned down, then snapped a smile into place. “I would be pleased to accompany you, Mr. Collins, and to take back up my discussion of the name Catherine with Miss Cat.”

“My patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, would not approve of such a conversation. Her ladyship, in her wisdom, does not permit nicknames. Especially of her own grand moniker.”

Kitty blinked, appearing confused.

An expression Elizabeth no longer fully believed. Kitty never looked confused when she went about early in the morning chatting with people.