Page 27 of Cousin Conundrum

“We have five daughters to see married.”

“I am aware.”

“You have no consideration for my—” Mrs. Bennet broke off as a heavy tread on the staircase signaled the return of Mr. Collins.

A moment later he entered, and another round of awkward greetings commenced. Finally, however, they were all seated again, Mr. Collins, who declined tea, beside Jane.

Mr. Bennet turned to Mr. Collins to say somewhat sternly, “You did not mention that you would be in the company of six ladies when you arrived here, sir.”

“No, no, I did not.” Mr. Collins skimmed a hand over his slicked hair, undoubtedly getting oil on his palm. “No time to, you see.”

“No time to?” Mrs. Bennet echoed with a note of incredulousness.

“My esteemed patroness, whom I very much hope one of my lovely cousins will have the honor of meeting.” He paused to beam a smile at Jane. “My esteemed patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, does not approve of familial estrangement. She approves of closeness amongst cousins. The better to keep the wealth of each family where it belongs. Her own daughter, Miss Anne de Bourgh, is engaged to her cousin.” Jane received another smile.

She looked down at her clasped hands.

“Fascinating,” Mr. Bennet said dryly. “But I am unclear how Lady Catherine’s views on consolidated wealth precluded you from writing to me about your cousins.”

“Ah, yes. In her wisdom, you see, Lady Catherine instructed me to make amends on both sides of my family. My father was not only at odds with you, sir, but also with my late mother’s relations. Mrs. Archer is my mother’s cousin. As her sister, who is no longer with us, was married to a baron, I knew Lady Catherine, who holds all correct appreciation of rank, would most wish me to begin amends on my mother’s side of the family, where lies a connection to a member of the peerage.”

Even Mr. Bennet stared at Mr. Collins blankly, making Kitty not feel as foolish for having no notion of how that answered her father’s question.

“Mrs. Archer’s sister married a baron?” Mrs. Bennet’s voice held an awe Kitty couldn’t muster.

Mr. Collins beamed at her as if she were a most brilliant pupil. “Precisely, so it behooved me to begin my amends there.”

Mrs. Bennet craned her neck to look out the front window, though the Archers and their carriage were long since departed. “She did not say.”

“I am certain she did not wish to boast, Mama,” Jane said.

“‘As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil,’” Mary quoted.

“And yet, I am certain that if our mother had a cousin who married a peer, we would hear the tale daily,” Elizabeth put in with a smirk.

Kitty frowned. Elizabeth had learned that from their father, that way of mocking their family, especially Mama, as if none of the rest of them knew they were being belittled.

Kitty wished she wouldn’t.

“Precisely.” Mr. Collins’ smile was for Mary and her hardly-relevant quote.

Mary preened.

“And you did not write to me of them because?” Mr. Bennet prompted with a touch of exasperation.

“Oh, yes.” Mr. Collins turned back to him. “I wrote to Mrs. Archer some six months ago to extend the olive branch of my acquaintance and to make her aware of my position as a recipient of Lady Catherine’s most vigorous patronage, and received a rebuke containing a rather vile accusation that I had reached out only because her brother-by-marriage is a peer.” He shrugged. “I wrote back a stern denial and further explanation, and received a reply full of such dislike, such terrible accusations, that I consigned my correspondence with Mrs. Archer to the fire, and turned my attention to you, Mr. Bennet. That is, until not a week before my journey here. Of a sudden, Mrs. Archer wrote in a much-improved tone, requesting that she and her daughters might visit me in Kent and meet myself and my esteemed patroness. I do not know by what miracle her mind changed, but she sounded an entirely different person. I, to be magnanimous and to show how forgiving a man I am, immediately accepted but attempted to put off the date, in part due to my planned trip here and in part due to still being wrought with her previous letter. For while it is divine to forgive, such impertinence from a female, even one who is a cousin to a baron, must be punished.”

Kitty struggled not to pull a face, trying to look as glossy eyed and uninterested as Lydia, who sat staring at the wall, her thoughts obviously elsewhere.

“To my surprise, Mrs. Archer wrote back saying that she and her daughters would simply travel here with me. They would come to Kent to retrieve me and join me in my inspection of my forthcoming estate. By the time all of this was conveyed to me, they were already on their way to Kent to collect me and, in fact, arrived mere hours after their letter. I had no time to compose a proper missive to you, sir, for I hardly had time to make ready to depart.”

Mr. Bennet stared at him for a long moment. “I see.”

Elizabeth cast their father a quick look, then asked, “In any of your letters to her, did you mention to Mrs. Archer that you meant to inspect Longbourn, which you will someday hold?”

“Certainly. Lady Catherine does not espouse false modesty.”

Elizabeth exchanged another look with their father.