Page 108 of Cousin Conundrum

She nodded, hoping his pride wasn’t causing him to lie. Likely, the best she could do for him was to permit him to say what he must, so he could retire to the church. “Miss Darcy said you wish to apologize?”

Mr. Darcy’s visage smoothed, pulling a mask over his thoughts. “After a manner.”

“After a manner?” Did he not truly wish to, then?

He looked away, seeming to study the sky over her right shoulder for a long moment. Finally, his gaze swung back, his dark eyes locking intently on her. “I have thought a great deal on your argument that my mother wished me to be happy and that, therefore, you do bring more to me than Anne ever could. More joy. More vivacity. So much more love than I ever could have hoped to receive.”

Her heart thudded, somehow keeping air from her lungs.

“But I cannot reconcile that with the truth. I gave a vow, not signed a document. I know what I intended when I said those words, and what my mother understood. If she meant happiness rather than wealth and connections, she would have made that clear to me.”

Elizabeth’s heart gave another harsh beat. If? Had she not made her wishes plain when she released him from his vow?

Wait…did he truly not know that she had? How could he not, if Lady Catherine did?

And if he did not, then he was not using his vow as an excuse. “I believe—”

“Please.” His voice cracked on that word. He closed his eyes for a moment, appearing pained. “Please, allow me to finish.”

Startled by the intensity of his misery, she nodded.

“I love you, Elizabeth. If it comes to a choice between my honor or you, I choose you.” He caught her hands in his. “I cannot live without you. If you will have me so tarnished, all I am is yours.”

Tears welled in her eyes at the pain radiating from him. She pulled her hands free, fumbling with her skirt. “But you are not tarnished.” She yanked out the letter.

“What is this?” he asked, brow knitting.

“I am not entirely certain,” she admitted. “I received it this morning and I did not read it. It is not mine to read. I believe, however, that it will absolve you of your vow.” She prayed so, at least, wishing now that she’d checked. “But you should know that I do not believe you to be tarnished no matter what that letter holds.”

“This is my mother’s handwriting.” He turned the letter over, then examined Miss Laura’s short note. “Miss Laura stole this from my aunt?”

Elizabeth winced. “I can only assume so, which gives me strong doubts about how well she is being reformed.”

Mr. Darcy studied the letter again, curiosity and uncertainty warring on his face. “I am not certain I should read this.”

“I truly believe you should.” Should she tell him about Lady Catherine’s call?

He unfolded the page, his eyes scanning. He swallowed, sorrow settling over him like a heavy cloak as he read what must be some of his mother’s final words. He drew in a long, slow breath, then refolded the letter, which he tucked into his coat. Elizabeth didn’t mind that he didn’t offer it back to her.

He met her gaze. “I did not see her again after I made that vow. My father sent me back to Eton and I was there when—” Voice breaking, he pressed on with, “I was not called home again until she died.”

Elizabeth nodded, though the motion took considerable effort. She could hardly breathe, let alone move. “I am sorry.”

He looked away again, into the distance. Like as not, into the past. “You were right. She never wanted me to keep my vow.” His attention returned to her. He caught her hands in his once more. “Her letter says, ‘With his connections and the wealth he will someday inherit, Fitzwilliam will have the rare privilege of marrying for love, and love alone. I will not take that greatest of gifts from my son. When next we speak, I will release him from the vow he made to me. I am sorry, Catherine, but I am certain you will find someone else worthy of your Anne.’” His hands convulsed around Elizabeth’s.

“She wanted you to be happy.” Elizabeth swallowed down fear, unable to read past the shock on his face to understand his feelings.

“Yes. She wanted me to be happy. And I know precisely how to honor that wish.” He brought her hands to his lips, lightly kissing the back of each. “Will you make me the happiest of men, Elizabeth? Will you marry me?”

Hot wet tears slid down her cheeks. She nodded. “I will. I will marry you.”

He cupped her face in his hands, smoothing away her tears with his thumbs. “Thank you,” he whispered, and kissed her.

Epilogue

Kitty smiled as she walked along the road to Meryton with Lydia, enjoying the crisp November air. Her fine mood wasn’t due to her younger sister’s chatter, to which Kitty hardly attended, but because the third Thursday of the month was her standing meeting with Uncle Phillips. Each month, Kitty made a game of getting Lydia to suggest they go to the village, and she’d yet to lose that game. They would go into one of the shops, Lydia would become absorbed with how best to spend every bit of her pin money, for she never saved so much as a half-penny, and Kitty would slip out.

Neither her parents nor the two sisters who remained at Longbourn with her ever noticed the regularity of these walks. Kitty had no doubt Lizzy would have, had she remained, but Jane and Lizzy were both married now and neither had resided in Longbourn for over a year. Kitty felt the house rather empty without them.