Page 19 of Haunt Me

"The hell I don't."

"I'm not club business."

His laugh is bitter. "You've been club business since you were old enough to make bad decisions."

"Then call a vote."

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Make me president because it's easier than letting me be your brother."

I close my mouth.

That one hits somewhere I don’t want it to.

Knox glances at me, then back at the road.

"I lost her too," he says.

The sentence comes out low.

I know, and still some dark thing in me rises up to reject it.

Not the way I did.

The thought is immediate and vicious and wrong. All three at once. And I say nothing because if I open my mouth, it might come out, and some things can’t be taken back.

Knox seems to hear it anyway.

"I know," he says.

My throat tightens. "You don't."

"No," he agrees. "I don't. Not the way you lost her."

The road hums beneath us.

"But you don't know how I lost her either."

I turn my head then, but he doesn’t look at me.

"She was my baby sister before she was your wife," he says. "She was the kid who followed me around the garage asking a thousand questions. She was the pain in my ass who stole my hoodies and ate the last of whatever food I was saving. She was the person I was supposed to protect before I even knew what protecting meant." His voice roughens. "And I failed."

"Knox."

"No." He shakes his head once. "You don't get to be the only one carrying that word."

Failed.

It sits between us like a third person.

I look back out the window because I can’t look at him and survive whatever’s on his face.

"She didn't think that," I say.

"Yeah." His voice goes thin. "Well. She's not here to argue with either one of us."