Page 84 of My Forever Sin

She shoots to her knees, fumbling to pull her skirt back down.

“I fucking hate you.”

Lacey grinds herself on me, her nails scraping my chest painfully.

No, fuck. Why now? Why right fucking now? My throat tightens with something akin to tears. I should tell her. Now is my chance.

Get out of my head.

“So you keep saying,” I deadpan, digging through my pockets for the joint I rolled earlier.

She stands, inches shorter than me, and pushes at my chest. “Get out.”

I shrug. “I was just about to leave. I think we’re done here.”

She gasps. “Are you fucking serious?”

I light the joint, letting the fresh herbs start their work on me. “What?”

“Ugh!”

Petrol thrown over the fire. Check.

“You just fucking used me! Treated me like your whore!” She shoves at my chest again, leading me backwards, then pushing me against her door with a slam. “I am not your whore! Get out!” she screams.

“Are you angry because you know you want this again? Want us again?”

She laughs bitterly. “When are you going to get it through your fucking head that I don’t want you. Not after you ruined my fucking life! Do you know what—” She shakes her head. “Me and you will never be together again. And the sooner I get out of here, the better. It means I never have to see you again. You and Lacey can focus on each other and leave me the fuck alone.”

I spin us and pin her to the door because this time, I will make her listen to me. I gather all the fucking courage I can because the Devil knows I’m gonna need it, and peel the joint away from my lips before I let everything I’ve been waiting to say roll off my tongue. “It wasn’t me.” My voice is barely above a whisper, but she heard it.

I’m done. I’m done with her running away from me every time I try to tell her. There will never be a right time. So I choose now.

A pause.

One second.

Two.

Three.

Four.

She’s thinking. She has to have started believing me.

“What makes you think I’d believe that?”

Exactly.

I shake my head, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I can’t—I don’t have—Fuck. I can’t fucking prove it, Jordie. But you have to fucking believe me.”

There goes that solid wall I’ve built around my heart. The one that failed to protect me from ever wanting to feel loved by her again. It’s just started crumbling. Piece by tiny piece as I lay out everything out I don't have evidence for. Or maybe it completely crumbled the second I saw her again because it feels like my heart is beating raw out of my chest, showcasing itself for all of her to see.

“That night—” She swallows. “That night, you told me your plan.” Her voice starts rising. “You told me what we could do to out our relationship to everyone. And what happens the next fucking night? Exactly that.” Her arms are folded around her like a protective shield. From me. “That polaroid! That fucking polaroid. You had that in your wallet, Kain. Only you.”

“Fuck, Jordie. I know what it looks like, but I swear it wasn’t me.” I run my hand through my hair. “Dorrian caught us that day, too. Do you not remember that?”

She rolls her eyes. “Unbelievable.” She slaps me again and I welcome it. I deserve it. I deserve every hit from her. I hurt her. “You’re a liar. You and them, you were working together the whole time.”