Page 36 of My Forever Sin

“How could you do this?” My voice cracks, the warmth from my chest spreading over my face and my knees hit the floor. “How could you do this to me!” I scream, desperately searching his face for some kind of explanation, any explanation. But I can’t read him. Not anymore.

He kneels next to me, taking my hands in his, and I don’t have the will to push him away no matter how much I want to.

“Little devil, I—” I think his own voice might be cracking.

“Don’t call me that.” I shake my head.

“Right. Enough semantics. It’s almost time,” Mother cuts in, but once again, I ignore her, wanting only to focus on Kain, but I don’t see a kernel of the trust and comfort I found in him. All I feel right now is betrayed.

Betrayed by the man I love. The man that said he would do anything to protect me and has done the complete opposite. The man I risked everything for. The man I planned to build a family with, to marry. To go against every rule and tradition for.

Loud thumping nears us and it’s like everything happens in slow motion.

I’m yanked from the floor by my arms.

Kain’s eyebrows scrunch as he looks behind me and stands, his arm reaching towards me, but multiple men in black rush to hold him back. “Wait— no—” He’s being hauled out the door, his legs kicking out in a fight. “Let me go! Let me fucking speak to her!”

He shouts more, but I can’t make anything out through the ringing in my ears as my feet are dragged across the carpet and painful fingers dig into my arms.

Mother and Heath walk to stand in the door, both of their faces pulled into smirks.

Everything starts blurring.

Somewhere in the distance, I can still hear Kain yelling.

“I hate you Kain Westbrook!” I shout before the last thing I see is my mother's venomous smile as she shuts the door.

11

Jordan

Present Day

Idemanded for Blake to take me back to the castle. Asher insisted he wanted to do it, but there was no way I was getting on his bike. I trust him as far as I could throw him. He has a penchant for dangerous riding, and I didn’t feel like dying yesterday.

I didn’t realise how much I missed my friends—the only good thing about this town—until last night. Seeing Blake and Asher had my eyes prickling with tears and my conscience flooding with the familiarity I’ve been craving. It felt nice. And honestly, probably the first time I felt happy since that damned night. What it also reminded me of is that I still haven’t seen Cassie and have no way of contacting her since my phone was smashed up the second I got to St Anton’s. Along with my allowance being cut off completely.

Miraculously, I managed to avoid everyone inside these aged walls today, and Kain didn’t follow me inside when we got back last night. I didn’t know how much longer I could bear him in the same space as me, especially after he decided he was going to crash my plans. The point was for me to get him off my mind, not have him watch my every move. Tonight would be the perfect opportunity to explore and see if I can find anything. But if Kain is there… there’s no way he won’t report back to Mother and Heath.

The worst part about waking up today is that I woke up sweating, with my hand rubbing circles on my centre. I was so close to an orgasm—a much needed one—until I was brought back to consciousness, realising the lover in my dream was Kain. The only thing that replaces the eyes I can still feel on me, the touch that felt wholly evil, has been me giving myself pleasure because it’s not their body. Not anyone’s but mine. And now, he’s ruined it. I’ve been frustrated all day, those sensations lingering on my body—as they always did long after I retired to my dorm—but knowing the one face I’d be seeing if I touched any of my toys would be Kain, I’ve been refraining. I discovered the toys worked because my own hands can only do so much. And stupidly, my body only wanted the touch of one person. The person that cared to learn me inside out, until I found out it was all a lie.

The toys were only obtained by none other than Poppy—and well hidden.

I still feel Samuel’s hands on me sometimes. And when I do, the vibrator comes out and I let my imagination run wild, beating him out of my memories, and replacing them with someone I used to know. I can still allow myself that, right? I’d rather believe the lie than feel hands on me that only wanted to—

I shake my head, securing my heel’s strap around my ankle. He’s not the Kain I used to know anymore.

My one problem for tonight was that I didn’t have anything to wear, and it was about time I washed the clothes I got from Poppy. I was racking my brain all day while flicking through the old textbook on how I’d get new clothes. One of my options was taking scissors to one of my old dresses. But, like a spiritual blessing, a large gift bag was sitting outside my room around lunchtime. All brand-new clothes in my new style. Bra’s and panties in my size. Brand-new makeup sitting in a small gift box. There was no chance in Hell those were from Mother, so that only left one person. Kain. Then I got to the bottom of the bag, and I was met with two bars of chocolate. My favourite chocolate and I knew it was him.

Beside myself, I already scoffed down one of the chocolatey goodness’s. But he doesn’t need to know that.

It took a lot of convincing myself to put on the clothes, but annoyingly, I love them all.

My black corset glitters in the bathroom light as I swipe more fake blood over my chest using my fingertips, being careful not to splash any on my skull makeup, which took me way too long. If there’s one thing I’m hoping for, it’s that Cassie has also been invited and is coming. Failing that, I’ll have to ask Blake or Asher if they can lend me their phone.

Grabbing two hairbands, I finish my look by brushing my hair into half pig tails on either side of my head, with the rest of my hair curled to flow down my back. The tuft of the skirt brushes against my upper thighs and my heels click as I walk to the door and grip the handle. Tonight, I’ll get to experience the parties Poppy told me about. I’ll get to experience a life I saw on films we watched in the middle of the night on her phone.

I wait and listen for any sounds before I push the door open. It’s eerily silent but I can’t trust that Kain isn’t in his room and monitoring my every move. I take my time to carefully analyse the stretch of hallways, but there’s nothing out of the ordinary and no blinking lights to suggest any cameras might be watching like at St Anton’s.