Page 23 of My Forever Sin

“The faithful should be arriving soon. Mrs Morgan and her daughter have already prepared the majority of the church, but I’m sure there’s still some things that Jordan can help with.” He smiles. “This open sermon will hopefully bring in the souls we need for the town. I’ll be in the sacristy if you need me.” He bows softly at the waist with one last glance, then his footsteps echo out of the nave.

It feels wholly different here today. Colder. More… sinister, which is not what a holy place should feel like. But then again, my mother doesn’t exactly act like the others here. She puts up a front when we’re around other people but behind closed doors, her inner monster comes out. Maybe it’s her sucking all of the goodness out of this place.

I flinch as her voice cuts through the eerie quiet. “I’m going to find Cassandra’s mum; I expect everything to be ready when we return.” Mother simply turns on her heel and disappears into one of the alcoves leading to a different part of the church.

My sigh rebounds off the old, stone walls as I trudge towards the altar. Seeing the sacramental wine hasn’t been prepared, I make my way to the small commode at the back. Just then, a door creaks open and a feminine gasp follows. I spin, turning towards the sound, and see Cassie poking her head out of one of the sacristy’s. Her short, blonde ponytail swishes behind her as she flits towards me with a beaming smile which immediately drops as she approaches me and grabs either side of my arms.

“What is it? You look tired.” Her melodic voice is a low hush, the candlelight highlighting her sweet, rounded features. She rubs my arms. “And you’re trembling.”

“I’m fine.” I attempt a convincing smile. “It was just a long night yesterday, and it’s cold in here.”

“Yeah, so I heard.”

Lowering my voice, making sure only Cassie can hear my question, I continue to rummage through the wooden storage. “You spoke to Dorrian?”

“Just about. He sounded exactly how you sound right now.”

“He looked miserable the entire night. Brooding. As usual.”

“Sometimes I get jealous you get to see him that often.” She tsks at the end.

My best friend's family isn’t part of the clergy, so she only gets to see Dorrian in secret whenever the opportunity arises. What her and Dorrian have is also forbidden. Which is surprising considering he’s a younger version of Heath, it’s so unlike him. Kain, Asher, and Blake don't know about Cassie and Dorrian, and I’d never tell. The same way she wouldn’t tell about Kain and I.

“Don’t worry, I wish I saw him less. He gives me the creeps.”

She tuts, playfully smacking my arm as she drops to the ground, making herself comfortable on the patterned, burgundy carpet. For some reason, she’s quite fond of the church. “You don’t know him like I do.”

I know enough. Enough about how he treats his own brother, and it’s enough for me to hate him.

I truly don’t know how much Dorrian tells her about his family, but it can’t be that bad considering she’s still with him. But I do know that sweet, wouldn’t-hurt-a-fly Cassie wouldn’t be with him if she knew the darker parts of the Westbrooks. And if either of their families found out about their relationship… Well, I don’t want to think about how that would end.

Heath and Dorrian put on a good front for everyone. Kain’s bruises are always where no one but me can see them.

I flash back to last night when Kain and I snuck out of the ball. What we did was reckless. Anyone could’ve spotted us. But the further away I am from Kain, the more I crave him. And not just in the sexual way—the way that’s supposed to be wrong. I crave his personality, his comfort, the way his fingers twirl through my hair while we’re laying there, gazing at the stars. In the way I’m surely supposed to crave my future husband. It’s not fair on either of us to have to love in silence.

“No, I don’t.” I settle with that.

“Do you think… we could bend the rules?” she muses.

“Nothing has changed for years in this town, Cass. I doubt it would now. It’s our religion.” I sigh, picking out a bottle.

“I just don’t know how long he’s planning on keeping us a secret. I mean, he has to tell his dad eventually, right? He has to know I’d gladly be devoted to him for the rest of my life. That’s the point, isn’t it?” She clears her throat. “‘And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands.’ That’s exactly what I want to do.”

Pure. According to the teachings, none of us are, but none of us believe in it either.

Dorrian does. But Dorrian is the Westbrook heir. They do what they want. I’m sure he and Cassie would be safe in their relationship.

I want Kain. Not an arranged marriage. What if I don’t love him the way I love Kain? Will I have to spend the rest of my life being a miserable housewife?

“Of course that’s the point.” I bring the wine over to the altar table and pour it into an empty gold chalice. It pours in slightly thick and I grimace.

“What?” Cassie stands and examines the inside. “Eugh. Can wine go out of date?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. Does it look like I drink wine?”

Cassie giggles, then swirls the liquid around with a frown. “I think I’m gonna pour this out.”

People of the town in all shades of red start gathering in the pews as me and Mother stand to the side, warmly greeting them.