Page 37 of Love at First Rep

“You did?” Lucas tilted his head. “My memory must be failing me. You’ll have to tell me again.”

Rafe grinned at Lucas before turning to Garrett.

“I’m here because I want you back in my life, and I don’t know any other way to do that besides this. I’m tired of spending my life running. I want to stand still for a while. I want to stand with you. Whether it’s fighting for your friendship, or for everything. I want whatever you’re willing to give me. I never want to hurt you again. I know it’s probably hard to accept that, especially right now since it’s so new, but I’m willing to work on it forever if that’s what it takes.”

Rafe’s bright brown eyes stayed focused on Garrett, not even glancing at Lucas when he squealed about something Garrett couldn’t hope to hear. Right now there was only Rafe. Everything else fell away.

Garrett had to clear his throat before he could speak. “Those are some big promises.”

Rafe nodded solemnly. “I know they are, and I know you have no reason to believe me, but I’m going to spend every day earning your trust and proving to you that I’m not going anywhere ever again.”

The evil, destructive, upsetting thought that had been circling Garrett’s mind all day jumped to the forefront of his thoughts.

What if it isn’t your choice? What if someone takes you away from me again?

Rafe and Garrett stared into each other’s eyes, basking in the quiet, praying fate would finally give them a chance.

A trumpet blaring in his kitchen broke Garrett out of his stupor, and he fell back against his chair in surprise.

After scanning the kitchen, he realized it wasn’t a trumpet at all. Lucas was blowing his nose loudly, tears in his eyes thanks to Rafe’s words.

“It sounded even better the second time,” Lucas muttered with more emotion in his gaze than Garrett could discern: excitement, concern, worry, glee and a little bit of swooning. Garrett’s thoughts exactly.

An awkward lull filled table, as no one knew where to go from there. Luckily, Lucas easily picked up on social cues and—after draining the rest of his glass of wine—stood and carried his dishes to the sink.

He walked back to the table and planted a kiss on Garrett’s cheek, then gave Rafe a matching one, the surprise clear on Rafe’s face.

“Goodnight, boys. I better hear from you sooner than later.”

Without another word, Lucas sashayed to the front door and let himself out.

Rafe and Garrett turned from the door to each other, their eyes meeting in a heated gaze.

“So, um,” Rafe said awkwardly. He was usually so unflappable. Garrett had never seen him quite so… flapped.

“Did you mean it?”

Rafe’s gaze turned sympathetic.

“Every single word.”

Garrett sighed and looked at his plate, only now realizing he’d already eaten every bite. Of course, not only was Rafe gorgeous and fit, he had to be an amazing chef, too.

“I want to believe you. I really do, it’s just…”

“You don’t trust me yet.”

Garrett was about to shake his head but shrugged instead.

“Yes and no.” Garrett took a deep breath before meeting Rafe’s eyes again.

Rafe deserved to know about Garrett’s fears. He needed to move, so he pushed his chair back and stood from the table. Rafe rose too but otherwise stayed quiet and still, waiting for Garrett to go on. Garrett paced back and forth until he gathered the strength to say the words out loud, the words haunting him since Rafe reappeared in his life.

“What’s scaring me more than anything is that you’re still putting your life at risk doing work like this. Even if you weren’t in a dangerous job, there would still be a chance I’d lose you to an accident or disease. You don’t know how much it hurt to lose you the first time. I already buried you once. I won’t survive doing it again.”

Tears tickled his cheeks as they tracked down his face. He didn’t bother wiping them away since they weren’t stopping. Rafe’s own eyes filled with tears as he gazed at Garrett.

“I’m so sorry, Garrett,” Rafe choked out. “I’m scared too, but that’s why I want to grab on to every moment I can and never let go. Never again.” Rafe’s breath shuddered. “But don’t think that means I’m not willing to fight to be in your life. It’s a challenge I’ll face day in and day out until you believe it.