Page 75 of Playing With The Mountain Man

“Then what is it? Is it because I don’t look like all those models you’ve dated, or is it a money thing?”

The look on Cody’s face silenced me. It was like I’d slapped him, and that hadn’t been my intention. Not at all.

“Do you honestly think I’m that fucking shallow?”

Chapter twenty-five

Cody

It took everything I had in me not to lose my shit and start throwing things. It made me sick to my stomach that Tillie could think, even for a second, that I could ever be that guy.

I needed space. And I needed to pace. I lifted Tillie from my lap before setting her back down on the chair and started walking back and forth along the porch, my blood boiling.

“I don’t know what to think,” Tillie confessed, her voice small.

“Well, not that!” I snapped, running my hands through my hair.

I took a breath. I didn’t know how to explain my life. Most days, I could barely wrap my head around the circus that came with just walking down the street, but the more time I’d spent hiding in the mountains, the more I was figuring out who I really was and what it was that I wanted.

“I’m not anyone special, Tillie,” I tried to explain. “I’m just a guy who can hit a baseball.”

“You and I both know that’s not true,” Tillie rebutted.

“But it is. At the end of the day, I get paid to hit a baseball.”

“Cody.”

My name on her lips froze me. There was such sincerity there. Tillie wasn’t trying to hurt me with her words, she was trying to make sense of where we were and more importantly, who.

I knelt in front of her, practically begging her to hear me out. “Playing ball, that’s my job. It’s not who I am. You know the guy I am. You know the man I want to be.”

She cradled my cheek in her palm. I could see in her watery eyes how much she wanted to believe everything I was saying.

“I don’t think it’s possible for you to be both guys, Cody. Even you can’t be in two places at once,” she pointed out.

Her words were honest but fuck me did they hurt. I couldn’t be in two places at once. I was going to have to choose.

“I know,” I conceded, looking out over the valley.

Before we had a chance to dig any further into it, the screen door squeaked, and River stepped out looking adorably sleep-ruffled.

“Morning, sunshine,” Tillie greeted, all the heaviness in her voice having evaporated.

Within minutes, my normally quiet home was bubbling with life. Tillie was in the kitchen whipping up breakfast, River was talking a mile a minute about today’s game, and I stood on the outside watching. Watching what my life could be like. Trying to figure out how to make it possible without losing everything I’d worked my whole life for. I rolled my shoulders, relishing the burn. It was a reminder that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be a decision I’d have to make. My body might just make it for me.

“You’re coming to my game, aren’t you, Cody?” River turned to me, his face full of hope.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” I answered quickly without hesitation.

Seeing the pure joy on his face was a reminder that we both played the game we loved. Somewhere along the way, the game I loved had become a life I felt trapped in and a job that required me to sacrifice everything. It was one I’d been willing to make. The idea of fame, glory, and money had been too good to pass up. But now, I was realizing there was more to life.

“Awesome!” River replied, high-fiving me. “They’re not going to believe it when they find out Cody Lucas is there! Will you take selfies with my friends?” River rushed.

“River!” Tillie scolded. “I’m sure the last thing Cody wants to do is take selfies.”

She was giving me an out, and even though I appreciated it, I wasn’t taking it. Making River smile like that was more important.

“Why don’t I see what I’ve got lying around and bring some hats and stuff?” I offered, knowing I had a box stashed in the garage.