Page 49 of Tasty Tentacles

“What are you waiting for, Orion?” Bertie says, hugging his arms around his chest and stamping his feet. “I’m freezing. Let’s go inside.”

“Anytime you’re ready, Orion,” Hideo says. “Let’s head in where it’s warm.”

“What are you guys talking about?” I had a few beers at the bar, but I’m not that drunk. Something odd is happening. They’re playing games with me, but I don’t know my part.

“Oh!” Hideo says. “I completely forgot!”

He makes a big show of searching through his pockets, and finally turns to Bertie and asks, “I don’t have it. You?”

“Let me see…” Bertie says, searching through his pockets and trying to hide a grin. With that grin, I definitely know something is up, and it has Bertie’s name written all over it.

“Ah!” he says in a grand theatrical voice. “Here it is.”

With much pomp, he reaches out a fist, offering, and it all makes sense. The talk about renting my place and the bags filled with my stuff. I think I know what’s in his hand. I hope I do.

“Come here,” I say, gathering them both into my arms. I know the time is right, so I say it. “Bertie, Hideo, I hope you know. I love you both so much.”

As I release them, Bertie says, “Thanks, Orion, we know, but it’s nice to hear. Now hold out your hand.”

I open my hand and he drops it into my palm.

The key to their house…but I don’t need a key. They’ve already unlocked my heart.

EPILOGUE

JUST SHY OF A YEAR LATER

“Wake up, Cthulhu!” Bertie exclaims, jumping on me in bed. “We have a big day planned!”

I look at the clock and groan. 6:00 AM. This is not an hour that has any sensible place in my life. Working at home has its advantages.

He straddles my stomach and starts smoothing together my tentacles. They always have a mind of their own at night and I must be a frightful mess. I don’t know how my guys put up with me, waking up with bed head and bed face every morning.

“Much more presentable,” he says, surveying his work.

Hideo hops on the bed next to me and says, “Now we’re going to start this day right and mess them all up again.”

I perk up, at least parts of me do, when Hideo applies his talented mouth to my morning wood. My tentacles wake up when Bertie stuffs his equally stiff one into my mouth, and I can’t complain. They have it all planned, so I can lie back, enjoy the ride, and let them decide what goes where. Maybe we should forget about scenic drives and mountain cabins, and just play together, all day, in our big, warm bed.

As I’m languorously licking the last traces of their holiday-wake-up treat off my happy tentacles, drifting back into happy slumber, Bertie says, “Afraid not, lazy boy. Up you go! Off to the shower with you.”

Honestly…bakers and their early mornings. Nobody should be this cheerful at this impossible hour.

I stumble through my morning routine and Hideo thrusts a steaming mug into my hand when I get to the kitchen.

“There’s our sleepy giant,” Bertie says. “What do you want? I have eggs and some croissants.”

My stomach is telling me in no uncertain terms that the day has started, so I don’t tell him what I really want—a few more minutes with my eyes shut. I shake my head and commit to waking up. There’s no escape from his exuberant enthusiasm.

“Sounds great,” I say, mustering a smile. “Are there any almond ones?” I don’t really need to ask, since he knows they’re my favorite.

“No, sorry,” he says, rummaging around in the bakery bag. “But I’ve been experimenting with some new pistachio ones. Do you want to be my official taste-tester? They are, if I do say so myself, even tastier.”

And he’s completely correct. They’re divine, and my tentacles and I agree: we have a new favorite. I’m mostly awake when I finish the last bite, letting my tentacles chase the delicious crumbs out of my beard, and I tell myself it’s time to stop being a grumpy morning grump. We have a big day planned and I can’t wait.

“Time to pack up the car!” Hideo says with his typical efficiency.

“Do you want to sing some Christmas carols?” Bertie says, fiddling with the playlists on his phone.